Trunk Call removed for subbmission
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Trunk Call removed for subbmission
Removed for submission
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Hiraeth Moment in Old Bombay
Frank
Good one this.
'the exquisiteness of Shamshad Begum,' brought a smile.
Not much help in workshop ideas.
Siva
Good one this.
'the exquisiteness of Shamshad Begum,' brought a smile.
Not much help in workshop ideas.
Siva
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Hiraeth Moment in Old Bombay
Hi Frank,
Perhaps Hiraeth is enough for the title, since the moment in Old Bombay is in the poem.
should "condapana" be condapanna; and a minor workshop variation for the opening:
A warm wind washes the forecourt,
condapanna palms sway like lithe
dresses on a line in Old Bombay.
I like, I relate:
"I take the call, her voice sweetens
my day from a million miles away."
workshop share for the final:
Soft voices percolate down the line
from the TV, thousands sing the
songs of my youth, competing
with her tender voice.
I become overwhelmed
by the longing for home.
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Hiraeth
Thanks Michael, I have taken up some of your suggestions.
Thanks to Siva for her comment and to Bob and Meena for the nomination.
Thanks to Siva for her comment and to Bob and Meena for the nomination.
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Trunk Call
Rehash of an old poem.