Grandmother's Avvakai

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Grandmother's Avvakai

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 27 Sep 2016, 06:15

Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squatted in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul but her hands were clean.
She gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room, then
they rode to Madras with cow-buffaloes in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity took me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,
she let them loose whenever she could not hold fast

to her wander-lust man. Two things merge in my memory,
the intoxicating smell of fried mustard and the long list

of cuss words for the headless, body-less paramours of her husband.

Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact

tossed with salt brine, chilli powder,

fried fenugreek and mustard powder,

ample gingili oil that holds it all together.

to increase its(the) shelf life.






None Can Replicate

Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins in a shrine.


Her vocabulary was foul but her hands were clean
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room
then they rode to Madras with cow-buffaloes in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity took me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,
she let them loose whenever she could not hold fast to her wander-lust husband


Two things remain in my memory, the smell of fried mustard
and the long list of headless, body-less paramours of her husband.









Grandma sliced mangoes with their seeds
as if trying to preserve nature.
''Here, bring the chilli powder freshly ground
measure salt in pucca onto the dried mango cubes
the charu of the mangoes will come out
her osmosis wisdom of the ages.

The mouths white muslin gagged
the big porcelain jar takes
the mangoes go into hibernation.
After a fortnight she brings them out
under the sun. Mustard fried and ground to a paste,
a smell that can send me to nostalgia,
even now.. ...

The chilli powder mixed well
garnished with fenugreek and gingili oil
the mouths once again sealed with muslin
wait out in the dark room
like menstruating women isolated in a corner.
Our great childhood curiosity took us there to peep in
count the number of jars, read their labels
comment on their journeys
travelling in the lorries with cattle
smelling of a state before fungus.

These jars reached Madras
whenever the relatives came
mangoes, limes, wild lemon sit
all depended upon Grandma’s hands
nothing would catch bacteria.

That none of us now know how to replicate.


Pucca-a measure, somewhat like one litre
Charu- juice, essence

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Grandmother’s Pickles

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 Sep 2016, 01:57

Siva there is an amazing poem in here.In my opinion, there is some missed opportunity with the way it's structured. ...a smell that can send me into nostalgia even now...I get that, but the word nostalgia is very open ended.It's fine Iif you're merely describing, but your poem is both regional and familial.I want to be invited in, to experience it for myself, not to be told about it

I do like the use of very strong pairings of menstruation, fungus. Same with "our great childhood curiosity. One would wish for fresher more active words.

A judicious pruning. Structure (like imagry) vs. Travelling in the lorries with cattle"..I don't know what Pucca and charu juice are and I dont have to. I Know they're exotic and I'm intrigued.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother’s Pickles

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 28 Sep 2016, 05:28

Thanks for reading and your valuable comments.I will start working on it.

S

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Grandmother’s Pickles

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 28 Sep 2016, 17:08

Siva
The poet is good, it has merit, it is interesting.

This line may annoy some, they may find it repugnant:
'like menstruating women isolated in a corner.'

Your choice as always.

Frank

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Grandmother’s Pickles

#5 Post by meenas17 » 28 Sep 2016, 18:20

A recipe in a poem. Reading through one can prepare the pickles though not like your grandmother.
The reference to menstruating women does not augur well.
The pickles are no longer made. mangoes are selected, washed, dried and then sauteed with salt and chilly powder. I am able to relate to this Siva.
An enjoyable read.


Meena.
meenas17

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: None Can Replicate

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Oct 2016, 07:04

 
Hi Siva,

for your perusal & consideration.

On my short list for IBPC - my suggestions are not conditional - althoughcorrect punctuation is required.

None Can Replicate

Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins in a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras with cow-buffaloes in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,     (-- good - prompting me to add)
and as strong as her hearing.   (or, as keen as her hearing; or, as sharp as her hearing)
She let them loose whenever she could
not hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard,
and the long list of her husband's member-less paramours.
 

 
 
  
 
 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#7 Post by SivaRamanathan » 01 Oct 2016, 15:16

Grandmothers Avvakai


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,
She let them loose whenever she could not hold fast
to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard and the long list of
her husband's head-less paramours.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Oct 2016, 18:23

 
Hi Siva,

instead of the line break on a preposition, "of"

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard and the long list
of her husband's head-less paramours.


Michael (MV)

SivaRamanathan wrote:Grandmothers Avvakai


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,
She let them loose whenever she could not hold fast
to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard and the long list of
her husband's head-less paramours.
 
 
 
 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#9 Post by SivaRamanathan » 01 Oct 2016, 19:44

Michael

Thanks. This will be my final edit on this poem.

Siva

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

"I hope Siva's poem is available to represent according . .

#10 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Oct 2016, 22:51

 
"I hope Siva's poem is available to represent according to all the usual IBPC requirements"

^^ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6359#p27556
 
 
 Siva, Please accept or decline in the thread Upcoming October IBPC 2016 @ Palaver:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6359

^^   If accepting, please provide all the needed info, as delineated in the initial entry of that monthly IBPC thread.


Thanks, Siva.

Michael (MV)

 

 

 

 
 
 

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#11 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Oct 2016, 22:57

 
Siva,

1/ that should be a period after "lobes."

2/ and how about a comma after "mustard."


Sincerely,

Michael (MV)

SivaRamanathan wrote:Michael

Thanks. This will be my final edit on this poem.

Siva
 
 
 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#12 Post by SivaRamanathan » 01 Oct 2016, 23:04

Accepted.I am not able to edit here.Thank you.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#13 Post by SivaRamanathan » 02 Oct 2016, 06:41

Michael
Sorry I went back on my word.I added a PS after my final edit .Please read and approve or disapprove.

Siva

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#14 Post by Michael (MV) » 02 Oct 2016, 08:47

 
Siva,


1/ Please, that needs to be a period after "lobes;" and the apostrophe for Grandmother's.


2/ Present the recipe as a superscript. Note the punctuation; slight edit of the last 2 lines; and consider the addition of, No substitutions.


3/ It now occurs to me: tongue for "vocabulary" - in keeping with the anatomical figures.


Grandmother's Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;
ample gingili oil to hold it all together
and increase shelf life. No substitutions.



Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her tongue was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,
She let them loose whenever she could not hold fast
to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.


 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#15 Post by SivaRamanathan » 02 Oct 2016, 09:33

Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her tongue was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes,
she let them loose whenever she could not hold fast
to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow-paramours.

Superscript

Avvakkai Pickle

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;
ample gingili oil to hold it all together
and increase shelf life. No substitutions.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#16 Post by SivaRamanathan » 02 Oct 2016, 09:37

Michael

I have added the word 'Pickle'.Is that alright? (in the superscript)

Siva

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#17 Post by SivaRamanathan » 02 Oct 2016, 09:39

Michael

sly-widow-paramours.

Is that alright ?

Siva

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#18 Post by Michael (MV) » 02 Oct 2016, 10:22

 
Siva,

a superscript is placed between the title and the text; after the title, above("super") the text.

the technical term "superscript" is not written.
The position, italics, and function indicate that it is a superscript.


The word "pickle" is not needed; the reader learns that upon googling that Avvakai is pickle.
Probably many readers won't even need to google - pickle surfaces from the subtext.
The native Avvakai is sufficient; adding pickle is disruptive & excessive -
you already have a rather hefty 5-line superscript; but the recipe carries its calories by virtue of ironic symbolism - at least as I read-see it.


And, Please, that period after "lobes." Thanks.

Make modifications by way of the edit mode on your send-in copy which you have posted at Palaver:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6359#p27559


Thanks, Siva.

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#19 Post by Kenneth2816 » 03 Oct 2016, 07:59

This is one of the best revisions I've ever seen.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#20 Post by SivaRamanathan » 03 Oct 2016, 13:08

Kenneth and Michael

All poets should be like you--give the not- so- good- ones a helping hand. I am learning a lot, here. I thought my earlier poem was biographical and did not like it.Overnight I read the couplet form elsewhere and immediately began to convert it into two,two lines in my head.

Thank you.

Siva

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#21 Post by Kenneth2816 » 03 Oct 2016, 15:23

It's a great piece

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#22 Post by Kenneth2816 » 03 Oct 2016, 15:23

It's a great piece

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#23 Post by SivaRamanathan » 03 Oct 2016, 19:33

And I forgot to thank Frank.Frank was the first person who read and advised extensively.So thank you Frank.

Siva

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#24 Post by BobBradshaw » 04 Oct 2016, 20:22

Very nice!!!

paylituzu
Posts: 16
Joined: 03 Jul 2017, 11:50

Re: Grandmother's Avvakai

#25 Post by paylituzu » 03 Jul 2017, 11:52

Grandmother's Avvakai. by Siva Ramanathan The Writer's Block Third Place, October 2016. Judged by Richard Krawiec. Mangoes diced with seeds intact

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