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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1988
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Removed for Submissions

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 27 Sep 2016, 11:03

'Take now your
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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Moriah

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 27 Sep 2016, 15:37

I like biblical poems.To my ear, phrases like "whisper of doubt" and "window of light" tend a bit to cliche and disallow a chance to set this piece off.

I'm not sure cryptocrystalline adds anything, but it sounds neat. I'd consider the God who laughs instead of He.

This is a fairly straightforward telling which could be, I think, made better by some new insight, some poetic tension.
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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1988
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Moriah

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 06 Oct 2016, 21:46

But thanks, sorry for coming back so late.
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