Morning Glory

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Morning Glory

#1 Post by Billy » 01 Oct 2016, 03:47

Morning Glory

Their leaves
large and small hearts

climbing the wall
of hatred--

the royal purple
of a new day.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Morning Glory

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 13 Oct 2016, 22:20

Billy---


i like the poem best with this edit:


Their leaves
large and small hearts

climbing the wall


the royal purple
of a new day.


hatred
is too strong.

what do you think?


but more, i hope, haiku like.


bernie

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EricRomm
Posts: 11
Joined: 08 Aug 2016, 18:19
Location: California

Re: Morning Glory

#3 Post by EricRomm » 17 Oct 2016, 16:39

Hello.
Yes, hatred sounds too harsh.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Morning Glory

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 18 Oct 2016, 08:29

 
Hi Billy,

workshop sharing these distilled to 3 lines less than 17 syllables     8)   Michael (MV)

leaves large and small hearts
purple upon the wall --
  Morning Glory


leaves large and small hearts
the wall falls to purple --
  Morning Glory


 leaves large and small hearts
the wall appears purple --
  Morning Glory
 
 
 leaves large and small hearts
purple reigns the wall --
  Morning Glory
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Morning Glory

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Oct 2016, 01:07

I like the idea of a haiku here as well....I like Michael's first try at it:

leaves large and small hearts
purple upon the wall --
Morning Glory

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