The one and half-year-old toddler, Meenu
stands on the sofa.
She sees around her with a curiosity
looks at each one there
There are her mom, dad and granny
all the three busy in a way.
She clears her throat
steadies herself.
The granny looks at her first.
with a kindly smile.
It invigorates.
The toddler gains confidence.
Begins her address.
Kai, kabi, kavitham kaati
the Ka sound is predominant. All her words start with K.
She continues her babble
she does not stop nor she drags.
Her body language enchants.
one of an experienced speaker.
She swings her head, sways her hands
points her fingers, looks up and down.
Her eyes rest on her dad,
who beams with pride.
She comes back to kabi, kabi
with a different intonation-- one of admiration.
Turns towards her mother
pronounces kabi, kabi- Could it be a demand?
Finally, addresses her grandmother
"kabi, kabi' she says in a whisper. Throws a flying kiss.
Her words rhyme, her oration enlivens.
The mannerism is excellent.
An orator in the offing.
I see in her the signs of a genius.
The Signs Of A Genius.
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Kenneth2816
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: The Signs Of A Genius.
This is a poem that obviously has special significance to the wtiter.How to transfer that to the reader? The old saw about "show don't tell" comes to mind."She swings her head,sways her hands,etc" is an example of "telling". The use of new language which is active or includes imagery allows the reader to be a participant in your poem rather than an observer. This is an intimate magical moment. But it's one most replicate I their own lives and as such, it is difficult without the use of fresh language, to convey something different and unique.
One way would be to edit for anything that might be cliche. All parents "beam".
On the positive side you've done well with words like whisper and throwing a flying kiss.. Its the job of poetry to transform the ordinary into the sublime.
One way would be to edit for anything that might be cliche. All parents "beam".
On the positive side you've done well with words like whisper and throwing a flying kiss.. Its the job of poetry to transform the ordinary into the sublime.