Daytona Beach, 1968

[BobBradshaw]

Daytona Beach, 1968


Do you recall Daytona's boardwalk,
where we met?

You touched my wrist, changing
everything: the world withdrew,

the curtains closing
on our pier's photo booth.

Forty years later I've found your picture
in a shoe box. The photo's dyes

are muddied like an old tattoo's
as you peer through its dusk.

I would trade in a heartbeat my life long
collection of vinyl records

to hear your voice again, Cheryl,
behind those closed curtains.

[Bernie01]

bob--


less "s" endings?

Do you recall Daytona's boardwalk,
where we met?

You touched my wrist, changing
everything: the world withdrew,

its curtains closing
on our pier's photo booth.

Forty years later I've found your picture
in a shoe box. The photo's dyes

are muddied like an old tattoo's
as you peer through its dusk.

I would trade in a heartbeat my life long
collection of vinyl discs

to hear your voice again, Cheryl,
behind those closed curtains.




just saying.


but the mood, sentiment is right on, true and effective.


not sure the trade of old "discs" hit hard enough for a kiss goodbye to the reader---know what i mean?


the close of your two recent IBPC winners, examples for me to immitate.


i like very much the ease with which the poem talks to me, allows me to listen in to the narrators private memory.


bernie

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Bernie....I never thought about the 's' sounds in this poem...if anything, maybe they add a touch of softness to the mood...I can eliminate one or two...thx for raising the thought. And thanks for the kind remarks as well....Best, Bob