Mozart

[BobBradshaw]

Mozart


Most nights his hair exudes
a woman's fragrance

but he denies everything.
Pregnant, I am too exhausted,

my ankles swollen like toads,
to care.

I soak in Baden's springs, Wolfi
relieved to have me out of Vienna

where singers swoon
like cut flowers around him

and he comes home late,
his clothes a meadow

of perfumes. He swears he is true,
but he is like a goat. He will wander

into any open field. He writes
from Vienna--how much

he loves me, misses me!
He warns me to be discreet!

I drink to my faithful husband,
his absence across from me

at the Count's dinner table.
I raise a toast to Wolfi's
scented hair.

[Billy]

Perfect, wouldn't change a thing, send it out. Loved the fragrances, the cut flowers, the goat, love it all.

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Billy!

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Bob,


I enjoy these creative & insightful biographical persona-poems of yours.


Although I like the employ of "harbors"; here I don't perceive it is yet the right diction:;
exudes is more sensual to the context:

Most nights his hair exudes
a woman's fragrance

^^ I'm tempted to workshop recommend:

Most nights his hair exudes
the scent of a woman

different would be:

Most nights his hair exudes
the fragrance of a woman




However, the similes of the toads is so precise - at 60, I have never heard that before until now


workshop consider this recast:

but he denies everything.
Pregnant, my ankles swollen like toads,

I am too exhausted
to care.


yes, creative genius & the goat - a workshop recast, to eliminate the pronoun usage.

of perfumes. He swears he is true,
but he will like a goat wander

into any open field. He writes
from Vienna--how much




and

"I drink to my faithful husband,
and to his absence across from me"

as

I drink to my faithful husband,
his absence across from me



Subtle & superb, the shift to the tercet form(triune) in service for the finale.




Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
  
 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

Bob
I don't think you need the exclamation marks here.
he loves me, misses me!
He warns me to be discreet!

S

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Michael. I will make some adjustments.... Siva, thanks for your comments, too.