After Her Life

[SivaRamanathan]

After her life (edited)

You blew bubbles chewing
bubble gum like a teenager
at me, an infant, holding on to the pallu,
of your sari; seeing you wearing red
or speaking English signalled the level
of your fevered brain, hiding from me
the silver cigarette case you went to the loo.
I wheezed just looking at your tomato-chiffon sari.

After they carried away the body
I found dried gum under the mattress.
My five year old daughter made up a story
about your crushed diamond ear-studs; from
all the Agatha Christie novels I had read aloud to her,
she unraveled only Amargil and Pacitane pills.

An usurper in-law in my mother’s studio
screamed, 'Who hid any diamond crystals
what are you accusing us of?'

In this room facing the Mumoorthis' temple,
you prayed constantly; feeling bored
you sometimes blew gum bubbles
reminding me of those asylum days.
Even in Pondicherry I feared
these pink Chicklets ballooning to break with a fart;
reminding me of how you managed to look like a pretty idiot.

Ever after, nightmares of gums blocked my throat
and choked me often to near-death.
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Like a teenager, chewing
Chicklet gum you blew bubbles
at me, an infant, holding on to the Pallu,
of your sari; seeing you wearing red
or speaking English informed the level
of your fevered brain, hiding from me
the silver cigarette case you went to the loo,
I wheezed just looking at your tomato-chiffon sari.

After they carried away the body
I found dried gum under the mattress.
My five year old daughter made up a story
of your crushed diamond ear-studs, from
all the Agatha Christie novels I read aloud to her.
She unraveled only Amargil and Pacitane pills.

An usurper in-law in my mother’s studio
screamed, 'who hid any diamond crystals
what are you accusing us of ?'

In this room facing the Mumoorthis, you prayed constantly
sometimes blowing gum bubbles reminding me
of those asylum days. Even in Pondicherry I feared
these pink bubbles ballooning to break with a fart;
reminding me of how you managed to look like a pretty idiot.

Ever after, gums of nightmares blocked my throat
and choked me often to death.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Siva,

it appears the title/subject field isn't receptive to coding




Michael (MV)

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[FranktheFrank]

I like the story telling, you have a gift for that.
Nice to see you experimenting with the block and italic coding;
it can make a difference in presentation.

[BobBradshaw]

I like the storytelling in this, too. The story is so different, and therefore very appealing. I agree with many of Frank's suggestions, but also

the verb 'informed' needs to be exchanged for something less formal...'informed the level' is a bit awkward...level isn't needed.

informed the level
of your fevered brain

Otherwise I like pretty much everything in the poem, except for the last 2 lines... The phrase "often to death" is awkward because obviously we only have one death....I know. I know....and 'gums of nightmares' doesn't work for me...'nightmares of gums' might. I don't know...think about it.

Overall it's good, and close to working.

[SivaRamanathan]

Thank you Frank and Bob. I was away at a village with no internet facilities. Will work on this now

S