A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2017, 03:23

A Dog's Bowl

We walked in the park at dusk.
I pointed out shapes in the clouds--
a dog's bowl, a biscuit, a rabbit.

Treatments for his cancer
left Roy weakened, withdrawn,
his food bowl barely touched.

I buried him in the back yard.
A stutter of dirt my pathetic eulogy.
I'm not a sentimental man

but sometimes I sit up
in the middle of the night
with moist eyes, my nose wet.

Grief surprises me at any time
but especially at dusk,
with the undisturbed sparrows

hidden in their branches, the clouds
with their vague shapes...

SOriz211
Posts: 65
Joined: 02 Jan 2017, 01:02

Re: A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#2 Post by SOriz211 » 17 Feb 2017, 03:53

Another winner Bob. Every time I look at death, regardless where I see it, I remember family, friends, and pets that have passed. It always makes me sad.

Sergio

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2017, 04:21

Thanks, Sergio...you just summarized it perfectly

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 17 Feb 2017, 06:43

 
This current is excellent, strong.

Thus, the revisit & revision was a productive process.

Many writers have observed that revising is rewarding.


True grief is not synonymous with sentimentality.

When I consider male grief, Heathcliff appears.

". . . I sit up
in the middle of the night
with moist eyes, my nose wet. "

^^ ironic, the master mirrors the visage of man's best friend - Fido


Hopefully, you'll be available to represent the Writer's Block in the upcoming March IBPC - more on that next week, probably


8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 17 Feb 2017, 14:58

I see you have worked on this poem posted in 'The Waters' since May last year.

I see you have swapped the last few stanzas about.

I did like the original arrangement, whatever, it is a good poem,
compared to someone else who wrote about death, this is to the
point and is condensed, understated if you like, but to me that is
what is called for because the poem is stronger this way.

I remember some wag criticising the double use of bowl, I see no problem myself.

Some of the great use a double image of objects and it seems to do no harm.

Michael make the connection with the double image reflecting the wet nose of your
departed friend and that you avoided being overly sentimental.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2017, 21:10

Thanks, Michael and Frankly....both your comments have good points, and interesting things to say....best

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: A Dog's Bowl..............an old poem revised

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2017, 21:12

Thanks, Michael....I'm available for something this month. Thx for the consideration. Best

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