Marked Lake-Area-edited
Into the ready-made forest
we marveled at the fast growth of casuarinas.
Then the naming began-- acacias,
eucalyptus,
wild bamboo
unkempt grass spread like thorn trees
yet women came in mopeds to cut grass and feed cattle
stopped at a barren land slightly dented
red mud lowered with mud walls.
I asked him
Why did you leave this empty?
He replied 'It was a lake once'
that was what the archeological map said.
This year we are facing drought.
Who has seen the map?
Was this truly a lake?
We took a ride in the jeep to the ready-made forest
& marveled at the fast growth of the casuarinas.
Somehow we named the acacias, eucalyptus, wild bamboo
though the unkempt grasses spread like thorn trees
women came in mopeds to cut grass, for feeding their cattle.
We stopped at a barren land slightly dented the red mud
lowered with mud walls.
I asked you
Why have you left this empty? and you replied
this must have been classified ,'lake' in the archeological map
at one period of our history.
The eco system has been very unkind to us.
After the tempest two years ago, one rainless storm
last year, this year we are facing acute drought.
Who has seen the map? Was this truly a lake?
Marked -Lake Area
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FranktheFrank
- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Marked -Lake Area
Skilled narrative prose interesting
to the reader, glimpses into a distant place
all very interesting under your skilled hands.
Casuarinas trees interesting, 17 species of pine also called she oaks.
in Asia and Australia.
I thought this simile a bit on the wild side, maybe something else?
though the unkempt grasses spread like thorn trees
I liked this line but wanted it enlarged:
women came in mopeds to cut grass, for feeding their cattle.
Village women took advantage of the lush growth
and piled their mopeds high with free fodder
for their own pampered cows. Maybe something fuller like that?
Hollow might serve your purpose here:
We stopped at a barren land slightly dented the red mud
lowered with mud walls.
i.e. We stopped at a hollow of red mud
lined with mud brick walls.
I think you must mean topographical map rather than archaeological.
I enjoyed 'rainless storm' made me stop and think.
I have seen it, a storm approaches and we are sure we will
get drenched, the clouds unfold their load and the
heat evaporates the rain before it reaches the ground.
Good poem.
to the reader, glimpses into a distant place
all very interesting under your skilled hands.
Casuarinas trees interesting, 17 species of pine also called she oaks.
in Asia and Australia.
I thought this simile a bit on the wild side, maybe something else?
though the unkempt grasses spread like thorn trees
I liked this line but wanted it enlarged:
women came in mopeds to cut grass, for feeding their cattle.
Village women took advantage of the lush growth
and piled their mopeds high with free fodder
for their own pampered cows. Maybe something fuller like that?
Hollow might serve your purpose here:
We stopped at a barren land slightly dented the red mud
lowered with mud walls.
i.e. We stopped at a hollow of red mud
lined with mud brick walls.
I think you must mean topographical map rather than archaeological.
I enjoyed 'rainless storm' made me stop and think.
I have seen it, a storm approaches and we are sure we will
get drenched, the clouds unfold their load and the
heat evaporates the rain before it reaches the ground.
Good poem.
-
SivaRamanathan
- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Marked -Lake Area
Thank you for your feedback,Frank.I will work on it tomorrow.
S
S