Frosted Garden

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Frosted Garden

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 09 Apr 2017, 01:57

‘Your dwarf Tangelo
is frostbitten,
rigor bristles the pulp;’

Bernard Henrie, Winterset,
IBPC placed first April 2007.

Frosted Garden

Frost has struck and the garden rests
in a white dust, the lily frond has withstood
the worst and the cotoneaster has dropped
its leaves. A robin pecks at blackened berries.

Twelvetide is over, the fir tree
removed, cards bundled away,
the star taken down,
Epiphany is here.

We sit in the dining room,
drink coffee, as the Dutch do
at ten. I drink to please her,
and now the ritual is part of me.

A half finger of Almond cake
rests by my cup, my post-fest diet
has begun. She measures my days
like petite fours.

The hall keeps 65 degrees,
the lounge stays at 70.
The south facing dining room basks
in the sun all day.

We settle into retirement
enjoying this late season of our lives,
we have time to watch
our robin peck at faded glories.

harry567

Re: Frosted Garden

#2 Post by harry567 » 01 Jun 2017, 06:34

Thanks, You have given me a lot of possibilities...I'll let them marinate for a bit, and then try to take advantage of what you have offered. Thx for all the help! Bob



gclub

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Frosted Garden

#3 Post by Bernie01 » 02 Jun 2017, 21:25

FRANK---

Palme d'Or----i'm crazy hot for this pom of yours.


Frost has struck and the garden rests
in a white dust, the lily frond has withstood
the worst and the cotoneaster has dropped
its leaves. A robin pecks at blackened berries.




frost has struck---i enjoy the action of those opening words. and the follow on moves smoothly to an expansion of the mood and tone the poem mines successfully.



i like the next lines very much---the emotional scene drawn in to support the poem.


Twelvetide is over, the fir tree
removed, cards bundled away,
the star taken down,
Epiphany is here.



a feeling of retreat and collapse, age as well as seasons deftly sketched:

We sit in the dining room,
drink coffee, as the Dutch do
At ten. I drink it to please her,
now the ritual is part of me.

I also cheer the entry of the personal, revelation of the speaker's world. very intimate.



wonderful narrative movement here:

A half finger of Almond cake
rests by my cup, my post-fest diet
has begun. She measures my days
like petite fours.

and i srand anc heer that petite fours image---sensitive, original and highly visual.

and once again, smooth narrative:

The hall keeps 65 degrees,
the lounge stays at 70.
The south facing dining room basks
in the sun all day.


the last two lines, the key word there, faded


Retired, like our robin
we peck at faded glories.


terrific job.


an IBPC nom from me.



Thanks for this shout-out for my old pom --- IBPC first place in 2007.

first verse--

Your dwarf Tangelo
is frostbitten,
rigor brittles the pulp;
a re-planted Nagami
kumquat lumbers
in a terracotta pot.



bernie

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Frosted Garden

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Jun 2017, 21:49

Thanks Bernie, I accept any nominations gladly and especially from you. I am so pleased you are back in the rut of writing, more of in the groove than rut, but anyway so good. Missed your amazingly informative and very long (enjoyable) reviews. Your poem stuck with me for a long while I struggled with the first line, thinking you were speaking of a person, a dwarf, then when the penny dropped it was such an enjoyable a read.

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