Tolstoy In Modern Dress

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Tolstoy In Modern Dress

#1 Post by Bernie01 » 15 Jun 2017, 05:10

Near the great gate of Kiev
I met my personal Russian.
It was a Mussorsky concert,
when she spoke her English
was better than mine.

My third year in Moscow,
a foreign correspondent,
but I was a school boy
immediately in love when
she turned her face to me
lighted with ballroom grace,
candles first lit by Tolstoy.

We walked through the gallery,
the concert music rich over
hidden speakers, her hands,
face, and dress full of irresistible
rapture.

Jam making and mushroom
picking, oh, I was in love.
I did not see
"something strange, satanic,
and enchanting" about her
as Tolstoy says about Anna.

She was rich. Very rich.
We ice skated at Gum’s,
she treated me to a look
at the restored bathroom,
$7.50, slippers and robe.
Ploschad Revolyutsii.
How can I forget?

And her very fast Aston.
Roskosh, the old word
for luxury. She introduced
me to Zhukova, they kiss.
Stoleshnikov Lane (Hermès,
Louis Vuitton,
Tretyakovsky Passage (Prada,
Gucci, D&G).

We are Kandinsky and Chagall,
not just vodka and caviar.
She speaks French assuming
I understand.

She leaves often, returns
to make love, to talk Turgenev.

My job for American newspapers.
I fall back, a famished wolf
unable to keep pace with her.
Finally, she stops returning.
No note.

Pictures at an Exhibition plays
in my flat, the Great Gate of Kiev
closes over my sleeping form.
The dirty rich need nothing,
but I didn’t see that until too late.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Tolstoy In Modern Dress

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 21 Jun 2017, 20:40

A wonderful poem, Bernie....the atmosphere you create is endearing, and we feel we're there, the ambience like a 19th century novel....there are many great lines and dazzling stanzas. I love these lines...'We are Kandinsky and Chagall,
not just vodka and caviar.'

My only suggestion would be to cut some...just to heighten the impact...here's a try:

Near the great gate of Kiev
I met my personal Russian.
It was a Mussorsky concert,
and when she spoke her English
was better than mine.

My third year in Moscow,
I was a foreign correspondent,
but suddenly now a school boy
in love when
she turned her face to me
lighted with ballroom grace,
candles first lit by Tolstoy.

Jam making and mushroom
picking, oh, I was in love.
I did not see
"something strange, satanic,
and enchanting" about her
as Tolstoy says about Anna.

She was rich. Very rich.
We ice skated at Gum’s,
she treated me to a look
at the restored bathroom,
$7.50, slippers and robe.
Ploschad Revolyutsii.
How can I forget?

We are Kandinsky and Chagall,
not just vodka and caviar.
She speaks French assuming
I understand.

She leaves often, returns
to make love, to talk Turgenev.

My job for American newspapers.
I fall back, a famished wolf
unable to keep pace with her.
Finally, she stops returning.
No note.

Pictures at an Exhibition plays
in my flat, the Great Gate of Kiev
closes over my sleeping form.
The dirty rich need nothing,
but I didn’t see that until too late.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Tolstoy In Modern Dress

#3 Post by Bernie01 » 22 Jun 2017, 04:34

Bob---

the edit you suggest is terrific. I'm adopting it whole.

and thanks for your comments.


bernie

Post Reply