An Old Story (revised)

[Billy]

An Old Story

Harlots walk the streets in lamplight. Their
other lives like the dark side of the moon.

A drunk, laughing and talking to himself,
twirls and stumbles, grabs a parking meter,

a lost friend. Shadows of buildings as long
as a list of regrets. If it weren't for tears,

concrete and steel would be inescapable,
always awakening just before the embrace.

Morning will come like the dripping of rain
after a storm. There will be another kiss.

The men cry for promises they can't keep.
The women cry for what saved their men.

[Bernie01]

hey Billy---

long time no see, hope the health is holding.

this pom, gut level issues fought in places with a rusty bayonet, elsewhere you open a chest of gems.


here are the softer images that grabbed my attention:


like harlots walking the streets.
A drunk, laughing and talking to himself,

twirls and stumbles, grabs a parking meter
like it's a long, lost friend.

and

Shadows of buildings as long as a list of regrets.

and


Morning will come like the dripping of rain
after a storm. There will be another kiss.



then, something your poetry does very well, a juxtaposition of the raw, the concrete and very clear capsules of urban reality beside creative impressions that form a feeling the reader cannot escape.


like harlots walking the streets.
A drunk, laughing and talking to himself,

twirls and stumbles, grabs a parking meter
like it's a long, lost friend.


this technique gives the poem an edge, a depth and punch that the softer images suggest and deliver with skill and inflection. two forms of imagery cannot be dismissed or ignored. the poem cannot be misunderstood.


very good poem, i think.



bernie

[BobBradshaw]

I agree with Bernie's observations....the first two stanzas are just stellar! Well done!

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Billy,

Yes, a strong poem w/ your signature

short list for the upcoming IBPC, please.


Perhaps the title could be abbreviated to "Old Story"


The poem comes into its own P of V on the old theme at:

        "Shadows
of buildings as long as a list of regrets."

^^ the 5 lines before draw from stock images - however, I find that ultimately that is effective
in connecting it to the familiar cityscape (old story recalling Blake as a strong literary example)

- https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems- ... tail/43673 -

before the rezoning that revitalizes the last 4/5 into a Billy Howell-Sinnard poem,


with echoes subtly akin to Victor Hugo & Edvard Munch(just to name 2), at least to my inner ear & eye.




Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
  
 
 

[Billy]

Thanks all. I'll consider the suggestions.

Michael, I'm not satisfied with this poem. I would rather not send it to IBPC. Thanks though.

I will be back tonight to comment on a few poems.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Thanks Billy,


for the advanced notice that you prefer It's An Old Story not be considered for the upcoming July IBPC.


I invite you to include my celebration of Father's Day in your reads & comments this evening:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=6594

An occasional poem must rise above the occasion.


Thanks , Billy     Michael (MV)

Thanks all. I'll consider the suggestions.

Michael, I'm not satisfied with this poem. I would rather not send it to IBPC. Thanks though.

I will be back tonight to comment on a few poems.