Evening Meal

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Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Evening Meal

#1 Post by Bernie01 » 26 Jun 2017, 08:59

I hear you in another room
cooking with our daughter
and calling from the stove.

Silverware for each of us,
napkins and a water glass,
a solitary creamery pot
white as a chef's apron.
The jam jar, cold and fresh
like a poolside aperitif.

A drawing book is pushed
to the table's edge, a crayon
outline of a dog, red zinnias
are pictured in full bloom.

A gold table lamp burns softly.
Evening descends, the meal’s
final, perfect accoutrement.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Evening Meal

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 29 Jun 2017, 22:12

Lovely, and perfect! I love the images, and how they work together to complete the mood.
e.g.,
The jam jar, cold and fresh
like a poolside aperitif.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Evening Meal

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Jun 2017, 22:59

 
Hi Bernie,


2 workshop shares:


The jam jar, as cold and refreshing
as a poolside aperitif.



A gold table lamp burns softly.
Evening descends - the perfect accoutrement
for dinner's finale.



and bernie, your poem, esp the finale, recalled this one to me: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems- ... tail/46431


8)

Michael (MV)


Bernie01 wrote:I hear you in another room
cooking with our daughter
and calling from the stove.

Silverware for each of us,
napkins and a water glass,
a solitary creamery pot
white like a chef's apron.
The jam jar, cold and fresh
like a poolside aperitif.

A drawing book is pushed
to the table's edge, a crayon
outline of a dog, red zinnias
are pictured in full bloom.

A gold table lamp burns softly.
Evening descends, the meal’s
final, perfect accoutrement.
 
 
 
 
  
 
 

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Evening Meal

#4 Post by Bernie01 » 01 Jul 2017, 21:11

Bob---

that means a lot to me. you're awfully good with mood and image, that's why your comment is especially sweet.

Michael gives a link to a poem that is in my top 20. so, also, her having it out with melancholy. sensational then, even stronger today.

her quiet use of sensuous, original detail to build mood and tell a story is my model for poem writing.



Michael---

made the first changes your suggest. must think about your number 2. i tried so many endings, i wanted to avoid the FINAL SUPPER suggestion...accoutrement was my compromise---even though i associate that word with articles of personal adornment. but i didn't think of your great suggestion"the perfect accoutrement / for dinner's finale"

but must let that sink in for a few days.

and thanks several times over for then Jane Kenyon link. i flatter myself thinking for many years now I have been her student. and Donald Hall, first her professor then husband. what a couple.




SAN--- yes exactly. much thanks for stopping by and welcome if this is your first visit.


bernie

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