It rained in Chowringhee
a short while ago and her
tangled hair flew lopsided.
The vicissitudes of the city
dead to me like lead paint
over Rabindra Setu bridge.
The pillow case and towel
bare a trace scent of pectin.
Mercy for myself, end stage.
In dizzy rain the windows
steam over. Any blind fool
can see I am crazy lonely.
Rain
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Rain In Chowringhee
Hi Bernie,
2 proofreading concerns -
I look up "visitudes" & find the spelling of the word: vicissitudes.
Is vicissitudes the word intended?
re:
Mercy for myself, end stage.
in dizzy rain the windows
^^Since there is a period after "stage," then grammatically it follows that the "i" in "in," which begins a new sentence, should be capitalized -
Mercy for myself, end stage.
In dizzy rain the windows
^^ btw, I like "dizzy rain"
and re "Mercy for myself, end stage."
^^ strong for becoming a viable resourcing of the hospice metaphor
Since "Chowringhee" is in the lead line, then abbreviate title to "Rain" - ultimately rain becomes a Universal - Mercy -
recalling for this reader Portia's famous speech:
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/mer ... t-strained
consider this slight change in wording here:
The pillow case and towel
bare a trace scent of pectin.
and here:
In dizzy rain, windows disappear
in the steam. Any blind fool
can see I am crazy lonely.
and btw, is the pom alluding to the book & film Chowringhee from the 60s?
In the scenario of the pom, MV is transported back a Breakfast at Tiffany's
and that appeals to my appetites
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Rain
You do a lot in a few lines. Excellent atmosphere...I love these lines below esp....and the close works.
The vicissitudes of the city
dead to me like lead paint
over Rabindra Setu bridge.
The vicissitudes of the city
dead to me like lead paint
over Rabindra Setu bridge.
Re: Rain
Michael---
made your suggested changes---thanks for the close edit.
I was thinking of the novel, Sankar's cavalcade of stories---circa 1960's, and yes, merchant of venice and the lines about mercy. the image of mercy falling like rain. even more so, a second poem in this setting with a jewish protagonist.
two of his novels have been filmed by Satyajit Ray.
yes, the "vicissitudes" of the city. Chowringhee is a label for a district in Kolkata (Calcutta)
and, who doesn't love Audrey---in anything.
Bob---
thanks for noticing and commenting. atmosphere, or mood, so important to me. the "lead paint" issue...a projection, a liberty. I didn't mean to pick on this marvelous bridge---I know that bird droppings are cleaned away to reduce corrosion...my narrator is ill, like many of the ill, he might be tempted to blame someone or something.
last line---I avoid when possible two words ending in a "y." lonely and crazy. I made an exception, maybe someone has an idea.
bernie
made your suggested changes---thanks for the close edit.
I was thinking of the novel, Sankar's cavalcade of stories---circa 1960's, and yes, merchant of venice and the lines about mercy. the image of mercy falling like rain. even more so, a second poem in this setting with a jewish protagonist.
two of his novels have been filmed by Satyajit Ray.
yes, the "vicissitudes" of the city. Chowringhee is a label for a district in Kolkata (Calcutta)
and, who doesn't love Audrey---in anything.
Bob---
thanks for noticing and commenting. atmosphere, or mood, so important to me. the "lead paint" issue...a projection, a liberty. I didn't mean to pick on this marvelous bridge---I know that bird droppings are cleaned away to reduce corrosion...my narrator is ill, like many of the ill, he might be tempted to blame someone or something.
last line---I avoid when possible two words ending in a "y." lonely and crazy. I made an exception, maybe someone has an idea.
bernie