revised:
Orchid Lounge
A sunken bar, the old songs
I never forgot. 'Well, shake it up,
baby, now, work it on out."*
My body knew, but I didn't.
I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink
an innocent sip. The adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume
and alcohol. Rub of unbridled age.
Forever close but never there.
An underage ghost follows me--
final dance under a blue moon.
*lyrics from Twist and Shout
Well, Shake It Up, Baby, Now, Work It On Out*
A sunken bar, Orchid Lounge.
The old songs I never forgot.
I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink
an innocent sip. An adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume
and alcohol. The rub of age
unbridled against growing youth.
An underage ghost follows me--
a final dance under a blue moon.
*lyrics from Twist and Shout
revised: Orchid Lounge
Re: Well, Shake It Up, Baby, Now, Work It On Out*
B----
i like this cruise down memory lane...details, a lesson for those of us attempting to recreate such adventures.
less fond of this phrase:
unbridled against growing youth.
the poem speaks, murmurs a figurative even if clear language, but the phrase i'm pulling out for a closer look, that phrase too literal for my taste.
otherwise, another bang up job.
bernie
i like this cruise down memory lane...details, a lesson for those of us attempting to recreate such adventures.
less fond of this phrase:
unbridled against growing youth.
the poem speaks, murmurs a figurative even if clear language, but the phrase i'm pulling out for a closer look, that phrase too literal for my taste.
otherwise, another bang up job.
bernie
Re: Well, Shake It Up, Baby, Now, Work It On Out*
Yeah, that line rubbed me wrong, too. I'll try to come back and rewrite the whole thing. I just felt like writing something last night and ripped it off as is in the post. No time to fix it right now, if it's fixable or if I want to fix it.
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Re: Well, Shake It Up, Baby, Now, Work It On Out*
Good poem! I like these lines best:
I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink
an innocent sip. An adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume
and alcohol.
I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink
an innocent sip. An adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume
and alcohol.