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revised:

Orchid Lounge

A sunken bar, the old songs
I never forgot. 'Well, shake it up,

baby, now, work it on out."*
My body knew, but I didn't.

I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink

an innocent sip. The adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume

and alcohol. Rub of unbridled age.
Forever close but never there.

An underage ghost follows me--
final dance under a blue moon.



*lyrics from Twist and Shout



Well, Shake It Up, Baby, Now, Work It On Out*

A sunken bar, Orchid Lounge.
The old songs I never forgot.

I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink

an innocent sip. An adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume

and alcohol. The rub of age
unbridled against growing youth.

An underage ghost follows me--
a final dance under a blue moon.



*lyrics from Twist and Shout

B----


i like this cruise down memory lane...details, a lesson for those of us attempting to recreate such adventures.

less fond of this phrase:

unbridled against growing youth.

the poem speaks, murmurs a figurative even if clear language, but the phrase i'm pulling out for a closer look, that phrase too literal for my taste.

otherwise, another bang up job.



bernie

Yeah, that line rubbed me wrong, too. I'll try to come back and rewrite the whole thing. I just felt like writing something last night and ripped it off as is in the post. No time to fix it right now, if it's fixable or if I want to fix it.

Good poem! I like these lines best:

I danced the twist in a white shirt,
saddle shoes. My first drink

an innocent sip. An adult, sawdust
dance floor, the smell of perfume

and alcohol.