Learning English in Japan

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
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Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Learning English in Japan

#1 Post by Bernie01 » 11 Aug 2017, 21:43

Learning English in Japan

A mascara tint of smoke, the moon
smacked against a slow November.

The high dahlia of your smile learned
by heart, a slow passing November.

My rough heart a gardenia opening
at a Japanese school dance.

Student murmurs like willow breeze,
banners decorate the reposed heart.

Water plants smaller than blue lotus
and speaking newly learned English.

Aging November. Dissembled waves
left to themselves by swimmers.

The moon takes me in her arms
like a mother her child in the bath.

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Learning English in Japan

#2 Post by Billy » 12 Aug 2017, 06:32

Some beautiful images here. I like how they keep coming back to the title and learning a language.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Learning English in Japan

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 12 Aug 2017, 15:29

Couplets well served in this. I can find nothing to crit. This is as good a poem as can be read anywhere.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Learning English in Japan

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 12 Aug 2017, 20:44

lovely....

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