3 poems

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

3 poems

#1 Post by Billy » 18 Aug 2017, 06:45


How Do You Ever Know


Frail, unkempt, better to be alone
than this constant weighing
facts, guesses, feelings in the gut
of the night like a fire burning
from the inside out, smoke
deadly, hanging in the air between us
a curtain, an elephant, speak
the disease in my throat
a choice and no choice, a dying
glory of sorts



Somehow It Turns Out Right


It was never wrong. My lungs absorbed
the hurt. My heart
was never found.
I didn't belong with these people. A phony.
The secrets. I've already said too much.
Someone's holding me down. I can't
breathe. The light
can't find its way.
A cave. That's where it all ends, looking
back. Then the long, low whistle, no melody,
no lost memories to revel in. This, too,
will pass. I will know
it was all a part of me.



I Love The Rain


She touched my ear, kissed where her
finger had briefly lain like the shadow
of a hawk soaring above. Thirty years ago.

A rain slick for a rendezvous. Thunder
in the distance, the rumbling of something
deeper than either of us could fathom.

Oh, that the rain would never have stopped.
The flash, then the long surrender to the way
it is and ever will be. Drenched and smiling.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: 3 poems

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 18 Aug 2017, 08:08

B---

started with the last one, will return for the first two.


She touched my ear, kissed where her
finger had briefly lain.

Thirty years ago.

(no hawk need apply.)

A rain slick for a rendezvous.

Thunder
in the distance,

the rumbling of something

to concrete and unimportant....


but this, ah, yes...


deeper than either of us could fathom.

Oh, that the rain would never have stopped.

The flash, then the long surrender

less is more


Drenched and smiling.


you see, i think, the two unrelated but thought provoking ideas.



combined:

She touched my ear, kissed where her
finger had briefly lain.

Thirty years ago.

deeper than either of us could fathom.

The flash, then the long surrender

Drenched and smiling.

It was never wrong.

My heart
was never found.
I will know
it was all a part of me.
Oh, that the rain would never have stopped.





metaphor must be as abstract as the poem, the poem should reflect the metaphor.


huh?....LOL.



bernie


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Egsj1n3O6I




How Do You Ever Know

Frail, unkempt, better to be alone
than this constant weighing
facts, guesses, feelings in the gut
of the night like a fire burning
from the inside out, smoke
deadly, hanging in the air between us
a curtain, an elephant, speak
the disease in my throat
a choice and no choice, a dying glory of sorts



Somehow It Turns Out Right

It was never wrong. My lungs absorbed
the hurt. My heart
was never found.


the risk? becoming telly and banal....

It was never wrong.

My heart
was never found.
I will know
it was all a part of me.



a Zen acceptance? but imaginative, no literal statements need apply for work in this pom....


I didn't belong with
these people. A phony.
The secrets. I've already said too much.
Someone's holding me down. I can't
breathe. The light
can't find its way.
A cave. That's where it all ends, looking
back. Then the long, low whistle, no melody,
no lost memories to revel in. This, too,
will pass. I will know
it was all a part of me.


these 11 lines are cliche at your level. college kids grousing at a bar.

here is truth at a bar:

Bridget Everet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UaGmf5tNEQ



I didn't belong-----------clear declarative


Someone's holding me down. I can't
breathe. The light
can't find its way.------i like the repetition, but the image of light...a bit simplistic


That's where it all ends, looking-------suddenly this cave, why, the richness there?
back. Then the long, low whistle, no melody,
no lost memories to revel in.

This, too,
will pass. I will know
it was all a part of me.-------------sounds christian, talk show logic...

a fight between the narrator's literal statement of pain and a desire to achieve a poetic resolution.
i vote for more poetry, less summation for the radio/talk show audience.

bernie

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: 3 poems

#3 Post by Billy » 19 Aug 2017, 00:41

Thanks Bernie for reading and commenting. You're pretty much right on in your appraisal. I wrote these as an exercise to get something flowing. I wrote them in all in 7 minutes and about 1 minute of minor editing. May use all or some of them either as revised or entirely different poems. Thanks.

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