The Drop -V2

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

The Drop -V2

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 13 Oct 2017, 00:24

The two punks with face masks
pointing sawn-off shotguns didn’t
frighten Marve. They snarled, but
he knew their antecedents.

Bob was shaken that night.
He shook when they left.
Mardy took a cosh to the head,
an ambulance job and police.

Marve annoyed, ‘Wat’s de matter wid you,
you let dem twist y’r nipples or something?’
“I jus’ didn’t think, de punk’s watch had stopped."
‘Yeah, an’ dat’s gonna haunt us from now on.’


The Chechens brought a guy, who screamed
from a van. It wasn’t the punk.
‘Where’s my money.’ Blood dripped
from his foot soiling the tarmac.
Mr. Chovka wants to know.

Detective Torres knows Bob from St. Dom's mass,
‘Why you don’t take communion?’
“It’s none of your business, I knows that,”

when Torres scuppers off.

There were a lot of stiffs turning up
that month, Torres run off his feet,
something was up, two punks,
an unknown Chechen, and now this.

Deeds lay on the floor of the bar, a pool of dark
blood coagulates around his head sticking
his sleek black hair to the floor. The smell
revolts Torres, he glares at Bob.

‘They don’t see you coming, do they Bob?’
Marve didn’t enjoy the bar any more, not since
the Chechens took over. He didn't hear the footsteps
outside his car or the flash from the muzzled gun.

*****




‘They don’t see you coming, do they Bob?’
Detective Therres.
A novel by: Dennis Lehane, Animal Rescue

Marve didn’t enjoy the bar any more,
not since the Chechens took over.
Everyone knew it wasn’t his even though
the name over the bar said: Marve.

The two punks with face masks
and sawn-off shotguns didn’t
frighten him. They snarled, but
he knew their antecedents.

Bob was shaken that night.
He shook when they left.
Mardy took a cosh to the head,
an ambulance job and police.

Marve annoyed,
‘Wat’s de matter wid you,
You let dem twist y’r nipples or something?’
“I jus’ didn’t think, de punk’s watch had stopped."
‘Yeah, an’ dat’s gonna haunt us from now on.’


The Chechens brought a guy, who screamed
from a van. It wasn’t the punk.
‘Where’s my money.’ Blood dripped
from his foot soiling the tarmac.
Mr. Chovka wants to know.

Detective Torres knows Bob from St. Dom's mass,
‘Why you don’t take communion?’
“It’s none of your business, I knows that,”
when Torres drifts off.

There were a lot of stiffs turning up
that month, Torres run off his feet,
something was up, two punks,
an unknown Chechen and now this.

Deeds lay on the floor of the bar, a pool of dark
blood coagulates around his head sticking
his sleek black hair to the floor.
The smell revolts Torres, he glares at Bob.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The Drop

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 13 Oct 2017, 00:52

Frank---

feel this novel is starting in the middle and not finding a THE END for itself.

Start here:


The two punks with face masks
and sawn-off shotguns didn’t
frighten him.



bernie

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Drop -V2

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 13 Oct 2017, 01:27

Thank you for commenting,
done.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Drop -V2

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Oct 2017, 03:59

Frank. I'm unsure how this could ever be
anything other than a rip off of the original

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Drop -V2

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 13 Oct 2017, 04:24

Thank you for your comment
Ekphrastics are a bit like that.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Drop -V2

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Oct 2017, 04:31

I was being generous:)

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