Armistice

[Kenneth2816]

Our fathers were born at the end
of the war to end all wars, and came
of age in time for the next one.

They carried us in their loins,
the unborn, spilling our seed
at Midway and Omaha Beach,
letting our names kiss the rooftops
of Dresden and Tokyo.

We came to fruition when dawn
broke, burned down the skies
over Japan, cut our teeth
at Inchon and the Yalu.

Battle-born and wary, we lead
Our fathers by the trembling
hand, fold them into an E Z chair,
and place our own sons on their lap.

[Bernie01]

K---


must be a better way than this route touring names we know only as historical references.

first three verses must go. please. they remind of a bad July Fourth speech.

(by the way, i could have dodged Vietnam service...but I served and took my chances.)


but this final verse,

killer level material:

Battle-born and wary, we lead
Our fathers by the trembling
hand, fold them into an E Z chair,
and place our own sons on their lap.



can the narrator open at a high school fair---with military exhibits...? hand lettered posters, drawings of Iwo Jima, an Atomic Bomb photograph...

bernie

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks for the input Bernie.

Your mention of Viet Nam and how you "served anyway"..do you find the premise of this poem insultinng?

[FranktheFrank]

Yes, I thought the last stanza particularly enlightening.

[Kenneth2816]

Thank you Frank. My intent was less about trying to write a war poem and more about the generations themselves.

Americans have been at war 223 out of 298 years, and these wars are part of our individual family fabric.

E Z chair is an American brand name like La Z Boy.

E Z chairs were big in the late sixties and seventies. They were recliner type chairs and every Dad had one:)

The conflicts listed my grandfather and father fought in, and the beginning of the Korean War when I was born.

My father always said he was glad his sons did not have to go to war..He said "I fought so you wouldn't have to", yet I wasn't even born at that time.

In America anyway, WII was called the war to end all wars. So you see, each generation held the hope of an end to wars.

Any suggestions you might have that would help me elucidate that would be appreciated. ..
BTW, in my own family history, there has been a direct ancestor with my last name fight in every conflict back to the American revolution. Except for my brothers and me, and our children.

[FranktheFrank]

Okay, I understand a bit better now Ken
I did get the generations, that came through
I missed the irony of war to end all wars
they said that of WW1 too.

My grandfather fought in WW1 as a sapper
a layer of mines and engineering maintaining
the first tanks ever made, the British
invented the things. One uncle served
as an engineer on the Malta convoys
another on the Murmansk run and
one other in the Battle of the Atlantic.
My dad was in the Home Guard
a few divisions of troops organised
to fight any German landings, he
worked as a steelworker also.

The Anglo Saxon have always been warlike
in fact the term is wrong, it should read
Celtic Saxon, Saxon being German,
Celtic being British. Americans are
predominately Celtic Saxon, hence
warlike, not war loving. Germans
are war loving having created three
European wars and fighting against
Napoleon in another epic contest.

The only Nations ever to beat the British in war
were the Americans and the Afghans. The
Normans were the original people who
beat the Saxons and then the Celts which included
Cornwall, Wales, Isle of Man and Ireland,
but not Scotland, they failed in Scotland.

The Welsh developed the longbow in Llantrisant
a village in Glamorgan, part of Wales. They
preferred Spanish oak for their bows
and could kill a knight wearing armour. The
French thought it unsporting that common
men could kill the higher orders with bows.
he English armies always carried contingents
of Welsh archers and these ruled at Crecy
and later Agincourt where the cream
of Frnch society died from the common bodkin
or the slash of a sword or the piercing ploy
of the dirk inserted between the armour gaps.

So with the British it goes back much further,
this quest for domination, the desire to protect
ones own.

Links:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-34618197
http://warbowwales.com/the-welsh-longbow/4557703062
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Anglo-Welsh_wars
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glynd%C5%B5r_Rising
http://www.iwm.org.uk/history/the-real-dads-army
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Atlantic
http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/wo ... d-convoys/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arctic_co ... rld_War_II
http://www.britishbattles.com/one-hundr ... e-of-crecy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Agincourt

[Bernie01]

Kenneth---



so sorry, i wasn't clear.

I share 100% your political, socio-historic frame of mind.

it's the execution of the poem....

you have real poetic powers, i wanted to feel that power here. dig? i know we are together there.



bernie

[Kenneth2816]

Good. I asked because ut, wouldn't be the first time I offended someone with my writing.

[Bernie01]

K---

know what you mean. i seem to offend people with my crits. LOL.


reading le carre's Legacy of Spies.

i think he is so good.

p. 116

Patriotism is dead



do you know n korea has a standing army as large as ours? 90 submarines..diesel for now. many of them fully prepared to launch ICBM's.

if they should surface, i could see them from my girlfriends house in southern calif.

bernie

[Kenneth2816]

Bernie, I want to share some thing regarding your crits.

My son is a professional musician in a famous band. They're not household names, but they played the WH for the Obamas, won a Grammy. They've played Kennedy Center, Carnegie and sold out the Hollywood bowl 7 days in a row.They currently tour 75 shows a year with Steve Martin, Martin Short and Letterman kicks I when he's sober these days

I remember the time they drove a 15 year old van 200 to 300 miles to play any dive bar that would give them free beer and half the door admission. Buf more importantly, they remember it. Today they get upwards of 25K per show, and more when they play with Steve Martin. Martin loves them so much, he bought a house here.

They "sponsor"several unknown or up and coming artists. They give 50K a year to the local boys and girls club.
Many times, they've invited young artists to come on tour. Not to take the stage, but to show them what's ahead of them if they work hard.

You're as good a poet as anyone who can e read online. You are akways investing in others,on this forum.
You're like my sons band in that regard.

None of us will probably ever make a dime from poetry, it's a lost medium.
We write for each other.

You have my respect.

[Kenneth2816]

Bernie, I want to share some thing regarding your crits.

My son is a professional musician in a famous band. Th eyes not household names, but they played the WH for the Obamas, won a Grammy. They've played Kennedy Center, Carnegie and sold out the Hollywood bowl 7 days in a row.They currently tour 75 shows a year with Steve Martin, Martin Short and Letterman kicks I when he's sober these days Today, they get upwards of 30K per show.

I remember the time they drove a 15 year old van 200 to 300 miles to play any dive bar that would give them free beer and half the door admission. Buf more importantly, they remember it.

They "sponsor"several unknown or up and coming artists. They give 50K a year to the local boys and girls club.
Many times, they've invited young artists to cone o your Not to take the stage, but to show them what's ahead of them if they work hard.

You're as good a poet as anyone Who can e read online. You are akways investing in others,on this forum.
You're like my sons band in that regard.

None of us will probably ever make a dime from poetry, it's a lost medium.
We write for each other.

You have my respect.

[Bernie01]

Kenneth---

just saw this.

i will tuck it into my album of great photos from the Forum years.



bernie

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Kenneth,

I found this strong /solid.


that 1st stanza speaks of "war & always rumors of war"
& the inheritance of original - sins of the father are visited on the sons (generational)

^^ and i admire how that subtext surfaces with fluency & economy:

"Our fathers were born at the end
of the war to end all wars,
and came of age in time
for the next one."

(^^ yet consider this lineage, which was suggested to me by your 1st strategic line break on "end.")

then this text extended referencing the history of war in the 20thC

arriving to the last stanza with the future of the pattern in its infancy on the lap of the forefathers.

"Battle-born, we lead
our fathers by the trembling
hand, fold them into an E Z chair,
and place our sons on their lap."

^^ ["and wary" & "own" not needed]

After cutting our teeth on Pearl Harbor,
we came into our own
as the break of dawn
burned across the pacific skies.




Michael (MV)
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Kenneth2816]

Thanks Michael. I've used pieces of this for another poem, but it was a good experience