Lovers (revised)
To be loved is to be beautiful."
--Kenneth Patchen
Jules waits tables at my father's night club.
Everyone's "honey" and "darling".
He and his lover stay after hours to party.
His chinless overbite reminds me
of the goofy pelican, "ah, yup,"
on Saturday morning cartoons.
His lover, Matt, a mailman, lean and tall,
stiff as a registered letter.
Matt lets Jules do the talking,
his arm on the curve of Jules' chair,
his hand touching Jules' shoulder.
Matt downs rum and coke for hours,
outwardly, as sober as when he started.
He mixes Jules' drinks, feeds him appetizers.
Jules enacts a personal opera:
throws his head back as if in a swoon,
waves a cigarette like a conductor's baton,
flicks ashes, Pollock throwing paint.
Lovers
To be loved is to be beautiful."
--Kenneth Patchen
Jules waits tables at my father's night club.
Everyone's "honey" and "darling".
He and his lover stay after hours to party.
His chinless overbite reminds me
of the goofy pelican, "ah, yup,"
on Saturday morning cartoons.
His lover, Matt, a mailman, lean and tall,
stiff as a registered letter.
Matt lets Jules do the talking,
his arm on the curve of Jules' chair,
his hand touching Jules' shoulder.
Matt downs rum and coke for hours,
outwardly, as sober as when he started.
He mixes Jules' drinks, feeds him appetizers.
Jules enacts the opera of gay relationships:
throws his head back as if in a swoon,
waves his cigarette like it's a conductor's baton,
flicks ashes, Pollock throwing paint.
Lovers
Re: Lovers
B---
wonderful narrative movement---word choices and tone.
an achieved, terrific poem.
i like the poem's logic and consistency. the details support but never overwhelm the poem.
and two very strong images,
lean and tall,
stiff as a registered letter.
and
waves his cigarette like it's a conductor's baton,
and that last line, just when i was smugly leaving---you stopped me and i had to both smile and then whistle.
"...Pollock throwing paint."
bernie
wonderful narrative movement---word choices and tone.
an achieved, terrific poem.
i like the poem's logic and consistency. the details support but never overwhelm the poem.
and two very strong images,
lean and tall,
stiff as a registered letter.
and
waves his cigarette like it's a conductor's baton,
and that last line, just when i was smugly leaving---you stopped me and i had to both smile and then whistle.
"...Pollock throwing paint."
bernie
-
BobBradshaw
- Posts: 2691
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Lovers
Bernie hit all the points....I agree, send it to a good publication
Re: Lovers
Hi Billy,
I'm pretty new here, so I've been taking time to peek around, get an idea of what poets are writing.
Neither am I familiar with many of the issues, people, places, etc., that are included in many poems. I live in S. America.
I've enjoyed your piece, it's deftly written, without flowery language.
Showing the way two lovers interact with each other, with a touch of humor, and using some real life characters to add power to the narrative form.
I especially like " Pollock throwing paint."
I agree with Bernie, Ken and Bob. Why not nominate it for IBPC? Nobody has suggested that. May I?
Gracy
I'm pretty new here, so I've been taking time to peek around, get an idea of what poets are writing.
Neither am I familiar with many of the issues, people, places, etc., that are included in many poems. I live in S. America.
I've enjoyed your piece, it's deftly written, without flowery language.
Showing the way two lovers interact with each other, with a touch of humor, and using some real life characters to add power to the narrative form.
I especially like " Pollock throwing paint."
I agree with Bernie, Ken and Bob. Why not nominate it for IBPC? Nobody has suggested that. May I?
Gracy
Re: Lovers
Thanks Gracy, you r welcome to nominate any poem you like. Just go to the nomination thread and nom your choices for poems written in September.