Telling My Father I Write Poetry Final Revision

[Kenneth2816]

Nurses wash you with their hair
trailing over the ribs and rigging;
The faint remnant of a tri-masted
galleon on custard colored skin.

In the Liberation of '44 you sailed
the Champs Elysee with the swagger
Of conquest: women jostled to
litter your path with flowers,
kiss your face, hold your hand.

Now you've pissed yourself again.

I side-step my way through
piles of soiled linen, give your name
to the night clerk, fresh bed clothes
to orderlies, none notice two shots
and a beer I need just to be
the last of your sons to come.

[Bernie01]

K---

world class poem.

it takes chances with the story telling, the details crisp and specific, the drama building to a powerful final scene. great human emotion

the reader can see all the players, glimpse the dying man's war experience, feel the dying man's current abject state, and sense the son's divided loyalties.

the poem flows effortlessly and irreversibly together.

my nom for IBPC this month.


bernie

[Billy]

My edit meagre edit of a fantastic poem:

Nurses wash you, their hair (or did you want it to sound like the nurses were washing him with their hair--a Biblical reference?)
trailing over the ribs and rigging;
faint remnant of a tri-masted
galleon on custard colored skin.

In the Liberation of '44 you sailed
the Champs Elysee with the swagger
of conquest: women jostled to
litter your path with flowers,
kiss your face, hold your hand.

Now you've pissed yourself again.

I sidestep my way through
piles of soiled linen, give your name
to the night clerk, fresh bed clothes
to orderlies,

none notice two shots
and a beer I need just to be
the last of your sons to come.

[Kenneth2816]

Thank you Bernie.

Billy good eye I was going Biblical to denote the complex view of the narrator toward the father

[BobBradshaw]

Beautiful poem. I can only echo what Bernie said...kudos!

[Kenneth2816]

ank you Bob.

Seven way tie right now for IBPC noms at Batter right now guys.....

[watsonkl]

We as a whole realize that time is constrained, and educators need to settle on instructional decisions. Poetry is one of those points that regularly gets expelled as offbeat and immaterial. Nonetheless, it is an intense instructional apparatus and a critical craftsmanship to learn at any age. Verse is an approach to see how dialect and image frameworks function. It is a commendable articulation of feeling, or profound emotions, and style, or a feeling of what is wonderful about the world. Secondary school seniors Sam and Catherine will disclose to you what they have become out of their investigation of verse throughout the years.

[Kenneth2816]

^^^^Fuck you

[LindaLinda]

A painfully clear snapshot of the end of a life. Heartfelt, and strong. Both powerful and emotional.
great write.
Linda

[Kenneth2816]

Ty Linda

[warrenzephaniah]

Billy great eye I was going Biblical to signify the intricate perspective of the storyteller toward the father. it is an extraordinary instructional contraption and a basic craftsmanship to learn at any age. Verse is a way to deal with perceive how tongue and picture structures work. Dissertation Writers UK It is a praiseworthy enunciation of feeling, or significant feelings, and style, or a sentiment what is brilliant about the world.