He Was A Mechanic
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- Posts: 68
- Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13
He Was A Mechanic
When we were young I loved to watch him
work on the old Porsche in the yard.
I think he loved the oiled and moving parts
more than he did me.
I'd stand close, hand him the tools,
watch his face grimace in strength as he gripped
the wrench, the nape of his neck moist with sweat,
the way he cautiously probed the parts,
his blunt fingers placed into the throat of the carb-
freeing the choke, reaching deep into the mechanlics of it.
His thick veined forearms glazed with grease.
Intuitively he knew just what to touch to get it going.
He'd tighten the bolts, the clamps, the blue spark of the plugs,
press open the throttle--scent of gas--engine screaming
then quieted to an all encompassing purr.
work on the old Porsche in the yard.
I think he loved the oiled and moving parts
more than he did me.
I'd stand close, hand him the tools,
watch his face grimace in strength as he gripped
the wrench, the nape of his neck moist with sweat,
the way he cautiously probed the parts,
his blunt fingers placed into the throat of the carb-
freeing the choke, reaching deep into the mechanlics of it.
His thick veined forearms glazed with grease.
Intuitively he knew just what to touch to get it going.
He'd tighten the bolts, the clamps, the blue spark of the plugs,
press open the throttle--scent of gas--engine screaming
then quieted to an all encompassing purr.
Re: He Was A Mechanic
why linda---
i believe you given us an X-rated poem....a man with his machine? huh.
reaching deep into the mechanlics of it.
His thick veined forearms glazed with grease.
Intuitively he knew just what to touch to get it going.
Not sure i'm old enough to read this pom.
but i'm glad i have a fake ID.
swell poem, great movement and delicious word choices.
great job.
bernie
i believe you given us an X-rated poem....a man with his machine? huh.
reaching deep into the mechanlics of it.
His thick veined forearms glazed with grease.
Intuitively he knew just what to touch to get it going.
Not sure i'm old enough to read this pom.
but i'm glad i have a fake ID.
swell poem, great movement and delicious word choices.
great job.
bernie
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Yeah this is pretty slick. Original.
I think its just the right length.
Nicely done
I think its just the right length.
Nicely done
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: He Was A Mechanic
I like the details, how it keeps us focused on the work, immersing us in the scene. However, as good as it is, it could be better if the end tied back to the speaker somehow. Something like these lines earlier:
I think he loved the oiled and moving parts
more than he did me.
I think he loved the oiled and moving parts
more than he did me.
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- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Yes, well greased poem.
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- Posts: 68
- Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Bernie01 wrote:why linda---
i believe you given us an X-rated poem....a man with his machine? huh.
reaching deep into the mechanlics of it.
His thick veined forearms glazed with grease.
Intuitively he knew just what to touch to get it going.
Not sure i'm old enough to read this pom.
but i'm glad i have a fake ID.
swell poem, great movement and delicious word choices.
great job.
bernie
thanks, I appreciate your thoughts on this
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- Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Not sure how to work this site I just wanted to say thanks to all for looking in.
and to Bob I was thinking of returning at the end but felt the line an" all encompassing purr " should finish it
and to Bob I was thinking of returning at the end but felt the line an" all encompassing purr " should finish it
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- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Hi Linda,
"When we were young, I loved to watch him
work on the old Porsche in the yard."
^^ Esp with the "When we were young," makes me wonder if the two married (mechanic & bride), and the narrator, during a hot-flush is having a flashback.
(prompting me to recommend the comma after the adverbial subordinate clause - When we were young,)
re Bob's workshop concern:
This reader perceive the last line - "then quieted to an all encompassing purr," - achieves that
workshop-wise: You probably intend the correct punctuation, the period, after "purr" instead of the comma -
then quieted to an all encompassing purr.
although graphically, I find the appearance of the erroneous punctuation mark, the comma, rather sensuous
Michael (MV)
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- Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Sensual comma huh, glad you caught that. Those memories are surely worthy of a hot flash and yes we were married for many years.
Thanks M
Thanks M
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Re: He Was A Mechanic
Thanks Linda,
for confirming my hunch that the mechanic & the narrator - that would be you, Linda -
and of course then we are reading a memoir-poem
I believe I spontaneously perceived that b/c I am a creation of my parents who married in the name of love:
http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/poems/celebra ... athers-day
and, LL, finding your response this Sunday morning at the heart of October
prompts me to share my most fav Tom Petty song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeCBQQ ... qs2sEe4lAB
A live performance of course
I am with you always
The heart is not earthbound
the heart does go on
resounding
btw, ever notice that h e a r t has h e a t in it; that h e a t is in the h e a r t
if not, then the heart would be cold
Michael (MV)
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- Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13
Re: He Was A Mechanic
Thanks for that M
and for the song
Loved your poem, congrats on that.
Linda
and for the song
Loved your poem, congrats on that.
Linda
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Re: He Was A Mechanic
I like the revised finish, Linda...terrific work