The God Thief. (Revised)

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

The God Thief. (Revised)

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 10 Oct 2017, 15:09

I stole a god.
Whose, I do not know.
It wasn't that big.
I caught it with a net
when no one was looking.

The sensation of
its beating wings
was unpleasant.

I put it in a Mason jar,
punched air holes
In the lid, put grass
in the bottom.

I held it to the light,
saw it was crying.
Thinking it might
be hungry, I mixed
milk and honey to
feed it with an eye dropper.

It motioned for me to
open the jar.When I
hesitated, it put its
hands in the air,
mouthed the words, "trust Me."

I put my finger in and
It clung with its legs.
I lifted it to eye level,
saw it had a human face.


It's voice was like that
of many waters,
it was the voice of a man.

"I'm old and slow.
In my younger days,
you never would have caught me.

I'm tired and lonely.
Being a god isn't
what it once was.

With a look, I could
fork a river, hold back the sea
by my will.

Now you have no idea
what names they call me,
how they mock me
behind my back."

Hearing this stirred
me to compassion and I offered
to let him go, maybe give him
a few dollars for a room.

He politely declined, said he'd
stay where he was if
that was ok with me.

I said fine. "My house will be your temple,
my home your sanctuary. I'll give you
an extra key. You have the run
of the place long as you like."

I put a peg in the corner
for him to perch on
and a mirror he
could preen to.


Next day, I shaved my head
donned a saffron robe
put castanets on my fingers
Fuck what the neighbors think
They can't see him anyway.

Nights, we burn incense, listen to Mozart.
Every once in awhile , I sacrifice
a steak on the grill.

Sure he gets nostalgic
for the old days
and all I have to comfort
him is a mug of cocoa
and a bed time story.

The main thing is
He's happy now because
He knows it's safe
and He'll be cared for.

I asked Him when I was
going to die one time,
He lit his pipe,
waved me off :

"No more God questions", he said
and asked me for the remote.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The God Thief

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 10 Oct 2017, 17:04

K---

a raging forest fire of originality. nperfect execution.
staggering poem.

bernie

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The God Thief

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 10 Oct 2017, 20:31

A very different poem...I love it for that reason alone. I also love the humor. Kudos

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The God Thief

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 10 Oct 2017, 21:47

This one left me cold and annoyed.

LindaLinda
Posts: 68
Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13

Re: The God Thief

#5 Post by LindaLinda » 10 Oct 2017, 23:34

This is weirdly original and I really like that, it kinda has it all including humor-- not easy to do in a poem.
Last 3 stanzas are winners made me smile
Linda

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: The God Thief

#6 Post by Billy » 11 Oct 2017, 01:03

I liked stanza 10 and the final line. I liked the rest of it pretty much. The long white hair seemed rather cliche compared to the other descriptions. Maybe I'm missing something right now, but I don't find a connection that I can grasp about this God and what it's saying about the whole god thing, if it is saying something.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The God Thief

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Oct 2017, 10:18

Thank you guys. This was new ground for me. I could take it in many directions, and yet may.

Weirdly original works for me.

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: The God Thief

#8 Post by capricorn » 12 Oct 2017, 00:12

Hi Kenneth,

Yes, this is certainly very original and humorous.

I look forward to seeing where you may take this.

Eira

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The God Thief

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 12 Oct 2017, 00:45

Eira, thank you. Glad to see you here :)

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: The God Thief

#10 Post by Michael (MV) » 15 Oct 2017, 09:04

 
Hi Kenneth,


kafka-esque


commas here -

"I'm tired and lonely. My people,
like sheep, have gone astray


and only one set of quotation marks is needed here -

"I'm tired and lonely. My people,
like sheep, have gone astray
and there is none to seek
after them. Lo, all these
years have I sent the rain
to multiply their abundance,
I've caused the sun to shine
on the wicked as well
as the righteous. I'm old , you
would not have caught me
in my youth."



" . . My house will be your temple,
my home your sanctuary."

^^ I like that analogy, esp as "home" is to "sanctuary"


8)

 Michael (MV)
 
 
 
  
 
 
  
 
 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The God Thief

#11 Post by Kenneth2816 » 16 Oct 2017, 03:52

Thank you.

I got plans....

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The God Thief

#12 Post by Bernie01 » 16 Oct 2017, 04:10

K:

He even showed me by example
how to give up masturbation.


bernie

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The God Thief

#13 Post by Kenneth2816 » 16 Oct 2017, 05:56

Bernie....lol....we will see

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The God Thief

#14 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Oct 2017, 17:08

Revised

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The God Thief. (Revised)

#15 Post by Bernie01 » 19 Oct 2017, 19:17

K---


I like your new ending---more in character with the poem.


bernie

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The God Thief. (Revised)

#16 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Oct 2017, 21:40

I agree....I Iike the ending....terrific poem

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The God Thief. (Revised)

#17 Post by Kenneth2816 » 21 Oct 2017, 06:07

Thank you. I had a good time with this.

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