Summer Wildflowers
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Summer Wildflowers
Summer Wildflowers
What will you recall years from now
paging through your diary?
I know how I will remember you--
as a season filled with sprays
of purple shooting stars.
Will you gaze at your notes tenderly
the way we once lay in fields
of checkerbloom and oat grass,
looking out onto the Pacific
with its long-finned humpbacks?
Or as you read will you struggle
to recall my voice, my face
lost like the headlands
in a coastal fog?
Will you have lost sight too
of the bluecurls and irises we so loved,
all details erased except
for the grasses mussed by wind
and slanting rain--the hills
vanishing under a tarp of mist
like covered bales
of hay?
What will you recall years from now
paging through your diary?
I know how I will remember you--
as a season filled with sprays
of purple shooting stars.
Will you gaze at your notes tenderly
the way we once lay in fields
of checkerbloom and oat grass,
looking out onto the Pacific
with its long-finned humpbacks?
Or as you read will you struggle
to recall my voice, my face
lost like the headlands
in a coastal fog?
Will you have lost sight too
of the bluecurls and irises we so loved,
all details erased except
for the grasses mussed by wind
and slanting rain--the hills
vanishing under a tarp of mist
like covered bales
of hay?
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: 5.5 Summer Wildflowers
Very nice.
Re: 5.5 Summer Wildflowers
Bob---
is it too sweet? so many years on, a narrator looks back. i wonder, is there growth---emotional growth in those passing years.
hoping for a little bittersweet, with all those flowers,
...a season filled with sprays
...purple shooting stars.
gazing ....at your notes tenderly
....we once lay in fields
of checkerbloom and oat grass,
and...looking out onto the Pacific
with its long-finned humpbacks?
and then here, a touch of reality and contemporary, adult sensibility:
Or as you read will you struggle
to recall my voice, my face
lost like the headlands
in a coastal fog?
Will you have lost sight too
of the bluecurls and irises we so loved,------------cut these two lines
all details erased except-----------last six lines are exceptional---show mature acceptance
for the grasses mussed by wind
and slanting rain--the hills
vanishing under a tarp of mist
like covered bales
of hay?
bernie
is it too sweet? so many years on, a narrator looks back. i wonder, is there growth---emotional growth in those passing years.
hoping for a little bittersweet, with all those flowers,
...a season filled with sprays
...purple shooting stars.
gazing ....at your notes tenderly
....we once lay in fields
of checkerbloom and oat grass,
and...looking out onto the Pacific
with its long-finned humpbacks?
and then here, a touch of reality and contemporary, adult sensibility:
Or as you read will you struggle
to recall my voice, my face
lost like the headlands
in a coastal fog?
Will you have lost sight too
of the bluecurls and irises we so loved,------------cut these two lines
all details erased except-----------last six lines are exceptional---show mature acceptance
for the grasses mussed by wind
and slanting rain--the hills
vanishing under a tarp of mist
like covered bales
of hay?
bernie
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- Posts: 68
- Joined: 08 Oct 2017, 05:13
Re: 5.5 Summer Wildflowers
I agree with Bernie on the last six lines, just gorgeous, And for me there isn't a pair more perfect than love and flowers,
there are beautiful images throughout that brought me down the page, I love ....a season filled with sprays........of purple shooting
stars, enchanting in my book,
Linda
there are beautiful images throughout that brought me down the page, I love ....a season filled with sprays........of purple shooting
stars, enchanting in my book,
Linda
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: 5.5 Summer Wildflowers
I would be very careful of changing anything.
I have nominated it for this month.
I have nominated it for this month.
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: 5.5 Summer Wildflowers
You're very kind, Frank....thanks!
Re: 5.5 Summer Wildflowers
Hi!
I fall for love poems, except when they're very badly written.
There may be a few clichès in this one, but it's lovely and I wouldn't change much. I like the combination of flowers and love, as well as some nostalgia or doubts thrown in.
The lines below really hooked me.
Or as you read will you struggle
to recall my voice, my face
lost like the headlands
in a coastal fog?
Very nice, Gracy
I fall for love poems, except when they're very badly written.
There may be a few clichès in this one, but it's lovely and I wouldn't change much. I like the combination of flowers and love, as well as some nostalgia or doubts thrown in.
The lines below really hooked me.
Or as you read will you struggle
to recall my voice, my face
lost like the headlands
in a coastal fog?
Very nice, Gracy