Dusk

[Gracy321]

Dusk

Let us walk, hand in hand,
when shadows
stretch across the land
like a black cat
waking from its lethargy.
Let us walk
along soothing paths
of Night
who lays her cool lips
on our scars.

Night saturated with silences.
Neither veil nor falsehood:
breezes waft fragrances
of white roses
on that predictable pinewood;
I foresee the fistful of earth,
I know the limit
that dusk intimates.

Let us walk: night is soon.
For a few instants,
still,
reality will be dissolved
under the tepid providence of the moon.

Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia. 2017

[LindaLinda]

I Like this sweet journey into dusk, I was drawn in by your opening, and your images esp in S2 are great..
Like a black cat waking from its lethargy....very effective so too is the closing lines....reality will be dissolved under the tepid moon....
S2 the word fragrancies, did you mean fragrances?
Very nice
Linda

[Kenneth2816]

Let us go now, you and I,
while the evening is spread against the sky
like a patient etherized upon a table.

T S Eliot. J Alfred Prufrock

Gracy, you're in great company. Good opener.

There are some incredible lines
Who lays her cool lips on our scars
Neither veil nor falsehood.(particularly fitting to the haze of half-light that is dusk)


I think it's got a deep wisdom.
I think its voice is candid, intellegent, and starkly feminine.
That's the kind of voice that endeared many to
Sylvia Plath.

The only minor suggestion I have is that
Indubitable is one of those "writerly" words.
It's a tad archaic.its tries too hard

A finely crafted poem. A sound "very well done " from me

[BobBradshaw]

Some lovely writing here, Linda....the opening lines just gorgeous:

Let us walk, hand in hand,
when shadows
stretch across the land
like a black cat
waking from its lethargy.

but there are other shimmering lines as well, like

Night saturated with silences.

The closing, though poetic, works well for me....I agree with Michael, though...I'm not sure about the word 'indubitable'.
But I like 'providence of the moon'.

Good poem!

[Kenneth2816]

Btw. I read an article today about the giants of Patagonia, thought of you and your epic poem.

[Bernie01]

Gracy---

I enjoy the gentle restraint and sensuous feeling i find here in your growing dusk.

something almost quaint, almost classical and lushly romantic.

Wordsworth:


It is a beauteous evening, calm and free.

The holy time is quiet as a Nun.


( I admit I know only the first two lines...)


I've just been quoting Cafavy to Siva---his red room reminding of the rooms she discusses...

I never found them again---those things so quickly lost.
the poetic eyes, the pale
face in the dusk of the street...


the moody, persuasive power, the compelling force of dusk.

timeless. Is the compulsion that it so often makes us think of approaching death?


here is someone distinctly not romantic, yet overwhelmed by both the beauty and subterranean mood of the dusk:



Going

Philip Larkin

There is an evening coming in
Across the fields, one never seen before,
That lights no lamps.

Silken it seems at a distance, yet
When it is drawn up over the knees and breast
It brings no comfort...

and your poem, already linked to Eliot.


Dusk

Let us walk, hand in hand,
when shadows
stretch across the land
like a black cat
waking from its lethargy.

a powerful probe, a fearless opening. a challenge, to listen and feel.



Let us walk
along soothing paths
of Night
who lays her cool lips
on our scars.

another strong image, a metaphor both risky and vivid. is it original? believable? integrated into the unfolding poem? for me, yes.



Night saturated with silences.

alas, from the moody and indistinct dusk---we suddenly encounter night.


Neither veil nor falsehood:
breezes waft fragrancies
of white roses
on that indubitable pinewood;
I foresee the fistful of earth,
I know the limit
that dusk intimates.


does the poem regain balance?

this phrase makes it possible to excuse the night, to visit uninterrupted with dusk:


Let us walk: night is soon.
For a few instants,
still,

and then once again in command of itself, the poem:


reality will be dissolved
under the tepid providence of the moon.

a wonderful, and deserved poetic ending.

a fine poem.

bernie

[Gracy321]

I Like this sweet journey into dusk, I was drawn in by your opening, and your images esp in S2 are great..
Like a black cat waking from its lethargy....very effective so too is the closing lines....reality will be dissolved under the tepid moon....
S2 the word fragrancies, did you mean fragrances?
Very nice
Linda

Oops, Linda, my mistake. Tx for pointing it out. Also thanks for your comments. All crits are wellcome,
best, Gracy

[Gracy321]

Let us go now, you and I,
while the evening is spread against the sky
like a patient etherized upon a table.

T S Eliot. J Alfred Prufrock

Gracy, you're in great company. Good opener.

There are some incredible lines
Who lays her cool lips on our scars
Neither veil nor falsehood.(particularly fitting to the haze of half-light that is dusk)


I think it's got a deep wisdom.
I think its voice is candid, intellegent, and starkly feminine.
That's the kind of voice that endeared many to
Sylvia Plath.

The only minor suggestion I have is that
Indubitable is one of those "writerly" words.
It's a tad archaic.its tries too hard

A finely crafted poem. A sound "very well done " from me

Hi Kenneth, thanks for your comments. But you put me in the company of great poets. Certainly not deserved.
I love T.S. Eliot and Sylvia Plath.
And yes, I couldn't think of a word to replace "indubitable". Will think about that.
Thanks so much, Gracy

[Gracy321]

Some lovely writing here, Linda....the opening lines just gorgeous:

Let us walk, hand in hand,
when shadows
stretch across the land
like a black cat
waking from its lethargy.

but there are other shimmering lines as well, like

Night saturated with silences.

The closing, though poetic, works well for me....I agree with Michael, though...I'm not sure about the word 'indubitable'.
But I like 'providence of the moon'.

Good poem!

Thanks, Bob, for your comments. I'm Gracy, btw, not Linda... LOL.
Yep, I've been thinking about the word "indubitable".
Will find something better.
Glad you like my poem,
best, Gracy

[Gracy321]

Gracy---

I enjoy the gentle restraint and sensuous feeling i find here in your growing dusk.

something almost quaint, almost classical and lushly romantic.

Wordsworth:


It is a beauteous evening, calm and free.

The holy time is quiet as a Nun.


( I admit I know only the first two lines...)


I've just been quoting Cafavy to Siva---his red room reminding of the rooms she discusses...

I never found them again---those things so quickly lost.
the poetic eyes, the pale
face in the dusk of the street...


the moody, persuasive power, the compelling force of dusk.

timeless. Is the compulsion that it so often makes us think of approaching death?


here is someone distinctly not romantic, yet overwhelmed by both the beauty and subterranean mood of the dusk:



Going

Philip Larkin

There is an evening coming in
Across the fields, one never seen before,
That lights no lamps.

Silken it seems at a distance, yet
When it is drawn up over the knees and breast
It brings no comfort...

and your poem, already linked to Eliot.


Dusk

Let us walk, hand in hand,
when shadows
stretch across the land
like a black cat
waking from its lethargy.

a powerful probe, a fearless opening. a challenge, to listen and feel.



Let us walk
along soothing paths
of Night
who lays her cool lips
on our scars.

another strong image, a metaphor both risky and vivid. is it original? believable? integrated into the unfolding poem? for me, yes.



Night saturated with silences.

alas, from the moody and indistinct dusk---we suddenly encounter night.


Neither veil nor falsehood:
breezes waft fragrancies
of white roses
on that indubitable pinewood;
I foresee the fistful of earth,
I know the limit
that dusk intimates.


does the poem regain balance?

this phrase makes it possible to excuse the night, to visit uninterrupted with dusk:


Let us walk: night is soon.
For a few instants,
still,

and then once again in command of itself, the poem:


reality will be dissolved
under the tepid providence of the moon.

a wonderful, and deserved poetic ending.

a fine poem.

bernie

Thanks so much for your comments on my poem. And questions. I mean every one of them. I've been mulling over "indubitable", as others have suggested.
Again, I'm happy that you think it's a fine poem.
Best, Gracy

[Gracy321]

Btw. I read an article today about the giants of Patagonia, thought of you and your epic poem.

Hi, Kenneth, again!
There are lots of theories about the giants of Patagonia. One, seemingly reasonable, is that the average height of the Spanish or other European explorers and/or invaders, was quite low. People have grown a lot over the past centuries.
Whereas the "giants" did an awful lot of walking and running to get provisions or visit other communities.
They also wore sandals made of various natural materials, wide ones, for getting across the snow. A primitive kind of sandal that has now evolved into wonderful ones for cross-country skiing or walking across the tops of mountains, or both. My daughter used to do that.
Another belief is that the very name "Patagonia" was taken from a character in a play, French, I think, called Patagon.
Oops, I must leave off now, duty calls,
best, Gracy

[Kenneth2816]

Gracy i nominated this for IBPC. If you'd accept in Natter, we only have one poem so far

[Gracy321]

Gracy i nominated this for IBPC. If you'd accept in Natter, we only have one poem so far

Oops, Kenneth, I'd missed this nomination, sorry there. And thanks very much.
Now I'll have to find out what Natter means, and where it is. Never mind, I'll manage somehow.
Again, I feel honored.
Best, Gracy

[Kenneth2816]

The discussion forum

[Gracy321]

Hi all,
I tweaked one word in my poem. Chose "predictable" instead of "indubitable".
Thanks to everybody. And now I'm smiling at Kenneth's indication that I should post my acceptance in Natter... LOL.
Gracy