s o l u n a r

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

s o l u n a r

#1 Post by Michael (MV) » 09 Nov 2017, 00:06

 
I am the mask you wear - it's me they hear
your(my) spirit & my(your) voice in one combine
          -- POTO


the face of sunshine at noon
masked by the phasing of the moon

thru lucent crescent inklings
beams a midnight-sun emoji

a jack-o-lantern w/ glow-in-
the-dark eyes & a mona lisa smile


in total UniSon - a fluent Triune
in 3 never apart harmony

I am with you always beyond E6
not strained or restrained

O the joyful noise yet
of an estranged duet


they remember how [right] it will be
they remember the melody
in the shadow of my shadow
in a gleam
                                                 -- FM (S. Nicks) "Straightback"





 

 

 
 
 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: s o l u n a r

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 10 Nov 2017, 18:28

MV...all the descriptors of the sun/moon lingering are solid
Mona Lisa smile....oft used, worn

Ive always admired the clever way you tuck Christ into
your work without being ostentatious.
He'd approve.

Im so used to narrative poems, anything else looks alien.

But im trying.

Gracy321
Posts: 94
Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 09:10
Location: Argentina
Contact:

Re: s o l u n a r

#3 Post by Gracy321 » 12 Nov 2017, 03:32

Hi MV,
I love your imagery, could be a painting. Also the title "solunar".
Not so sure about the phrasing, with dashes, sort of Twitter language, e.g. w/thru, 3, etc.
No need, you can now use 260 words on Twitter, LOL. Not yet in my country.
What is E6?
I suppose Triune is religious, but I don't get the reason why you use it, as I don't understand the context. My bad, sorry.
Would love a little help, because it's probably my own dimness.
Best, Gracy

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: s o l u n a r

#4 Post by meenas17 » 12 Nov 2017, 14:28

Brevity is Michael's strength.
Hard for me to understand the poem fully.
Meena.
meenas17

Post Reply