New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry

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PostPosted: 10 Nov 2017, 20:35 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 402
From the time she was a child
she was pawed by the hands
of boys and men. Never friends
with her body because
thats where all the shame resides,

at night, she'd rock it to sleep,
stroke its hair, soothe its sobs.

She tried to unpretty herself
but still they came.

At forty, she knew this much:
whether fat as a church candle
or match-stick thin,

it's the burned child who
learns to crave the flame.


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PostPosted: 11 Nov 2017, 05:31 
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Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14
Posts: 469
K:


wonder if line reversals help.

She tried to unpretty herself
but still they came

from the time she was a child,
hands of boys and men.

Never friends with her body
because that's where shame resides,

At forty, she knew this much:
whether fat as a church candle
or match-stick thin,

it's the burned child who
learns to crave the flame.




powerful theme. consider a new title?


berniel


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PostPosted: 11 Nov 2017, 13:24 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 402
Title is problematic.

Line reversal has some merit, thank you.

Congrats on your IBPC win Bernie, well deserved.


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PostPosted: 12 Nov 2017, 03:47 
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Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 09:10
Posts: 91
Location: Argentina
Hi Kenneth,
a delicate issue that you've deftly handled with poetry. I understand it all. Both girls and boys feel ashamed and keep quiet for many years.
Some feel their bodies are unclean, ugly, etc. So sad.
We also have the Kevin Spacey surprise. I wonder why some guys keep quiet about being gay (he was also a pedophile, that's totally unacceptable). Some famous singers were openly gay in the past century, at a fairly conservative time. Freddie Mercury was openly gay and became a rock icon. Same with Elton John, who was knighted by the Queen! Etc.
I like your final lines, so true.
Enjoyed, if that's the correct word in this instance.
Best, Gracy


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PostPosted: 13 Nov 2017, 17:53 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 402
Thank you Gracy. Its become epidemic, yes?


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PostPosted: 13 Nov 2017, 23:41 
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Joined: 19 Sep 2017, 09:10
Posts: 91
Location: Argentina
Kenneth2816 wrote:
Thank you Gracy. Its become epidemic, yes?



Yep. I can't help wondering whether it's all true. Could be a slander epidemic... dunno.
I know that Hollywood moguls did whatever they wanted, at least some of them. But then there's the complicity of the parents of young children, who want their kids to become stars at any cost. I guess it's a lot to do with money.
Marilyn Monroe was raised in foster homes, she didn't have any moral guidance, so she just posed naked for calendars and got paid very little. Etc.
Best, Gracy


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PostPosted: 16 Nov 2017, 03:50 
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Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23
Posts: 70
A very topical subject which you have handled very well, Kenneth.

I would not have thought of it myself, but Bernie's suggestion might work well, starting with that change in stanza.

Eira


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PostPosted: 16 Nov 2017, 10:58 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 402
Thank yoy Eira


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