Bright Lights

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Bright Lights

#1 Post by Bernie01 » 30 Nov 2017, 22:36

Back on the dance floor at age 57.

Taffeta jacket lapels,

felt footwear of a Venetian gondolier.

Louche, insouciant past.

The mind, Atlas of forgotten dabs.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Bright Lights

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 02 Dec 2017, 21:05

Bernie, I can relate, particularly with the last line.Nice word choices with tafetta, gondoliers,Louche, insousciant.

Who says you cant pur a lot in a minimalist poem

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Bright Lights

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Dec 2017, 23:34

I liked insouciant,
sets a nice tone to the pom.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Bright Lights

#4 Post by Bernie01 » 07 Dec 2017, 23:05

Frank---and Kenneth


needed to write down these scattered lines...i'm sure this has happened to you, once or twice. I've made a small edit...and I, too, like the words you underline.



bernie

Post Reply