Aurora Borealis

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Aurora Borealis

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 07 Jan 2018, 17:10

It is a frosty day here in het Noorden.
I sit in my jim-jams and meditate on
the accomplishments of the perfect woman.

I struggle to place my thoughts
down on electronic paper,
a poem for the day.

This is the poem, breathed
on the day, I post
a small event, but new.

I watch
from the dining room as she hangs
out clothes on a frost-bitten line.
The wasmachine starts its cycle,
a dry spin whine, she spots me
through the windows and waves.

The koffiezetapparaat gurgles
the broodrooster pops
toast. Honey, and eggs lie ready
on the table.

The kitchen door bursts open
with a gust of frozen air, she enters,
with the energy of the aurora borealis,
fills the room, radiating joy.

I am the recipient of her need
to emulate Moeder.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Aurora Borealis

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Jan 2018, 22:07

This is a strong, solid poem. I like the inventive, unique take on 'the muse'. She has never been seen like this before, to my recollection....I like how you interweave the creation of the poem, and the woman hanging the clothes...the muse. What needs work is the closing stanza...it didn't deliver any punch for me. I like also, by the way, how you mix in phrases like 'het Noorden; to give us some color....I like this a lot....best

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Aurora Borealis

#3 Post by Bernie01 » 07 Jan 2018, 22:42

F---

excellent. original and not predictable.

i especially like the dual pictures of domesticity that emerge---the silent writer striving for a new composition and the partner busy in the cold hanging clothes.


suddenly they come together, a door flung open and a wild burst of energy enters the poem.

surprise and yet a pleasing close.


my appreciation, my participation in the poem was not diminished for a failure to understand
Het Noorden and Moeder.


bernie

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Aurora Borealis

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 08 Jan 2018, 03:11

Thank you Bob and Bernie,
Het Noorden = the North
Moeder = Mother.

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Aurora Borealis

#5 Post by meenas17 » 08 Jan 2018, 17:33

A drama in real life.

The kitchen door bursts open
with a gust of frozen air, she enters
like the aurora borealis,
her energy radiating joy.

The day to day events, washing, hanging clothes, are common, receive a speciality in this poem.
Very well done, Frank.

I like it
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Aurora Borealis

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 08 Jan 2018, 19:00

Thank you Meena, you are too kind.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Aurora Borealis

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 08 Jan 2018, 20:47

Frank, there arw just enough exotic words and olde world phrasing to compliment the poem
It's quite a lovely combination.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Aurora Borealis

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 08 Jan 2018, 22:28

Thanks Kenneth
I like to introduce a few Dutch words to poems
that are rooted in that fair land.
Glad you enjoyed.

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Aurora Borealis

#9 Post by capricorn » 11 Jan 2018, 01:47

Hi Frank,

A wonderful poem. I love the energy and imagery here

The kitchen door bursts open
with a gust of frozen air, she enters
the energy of an aurora borealis,
filling the room, radiating joy.


I sense the closeness between them - she waves at him through the window.

I also like the spattering of Dutch words - adds interest.

Enjoyed!
Eira

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Aurora Borealis

#10 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Jan 2018, 19:29

Thank you Eira.

Cosmo888
Posts: 2
Joined: 03 Jan 2018, 13:50

Re: Aurora Borealis

#11 Post by Cosmo888 » 17 Jan 2018, 12:04

it was no longer a front page murder case, the city editor thought a feature writer might find an angle.

บาคาร่าบนมือถือ

FrankDire
Posts: 23
Joined: 22 Jan 2018, 21:44

Re: Aurora Borealis

#12 Post by FrankDire » 22 Jan 2018, 22:05

These spammers are so annoying.
Am I getting tetchy in my old age?

RWCJames
Posts: 20
Joined: 22 Jan 2018, 01:16

Re: Aurora Borealis

#13 Post by RWCJames » 24 Jan 2018, 20:24

FranktheFrank - An appealing, and, yes, very loving character study. I'm not sure about:

"the accomplishments of the perfect woman."

Seems more objective than the rest, and doesn't tie us in with the specific woman at hand, and that you're referring to the condition, or attributes, of women in general also doesn't seem to cohere with what seems to be your main intent - praising your partner/wife. The rest is evocative and affecting - RC

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Aurora Borealis

#14 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 Jan 2018, 03:22

Terrific poem... deserving of an IBPC nod... you have 2 or 3 deserving pieces... splendid work this month

FrankDire
Posts: 23
Joined: 22 Jan 2018, 21:44

Re: Aurora Borealis

#15 Post by FrankDire » 25 Jan 2018, 18:14

Extremely good of you to say so Bob.

In return I would say that since you have become
a member of this forum that the forum has run
much better, with improved good humour
and your encouragement has added to the spirit
of mutual learning and the workshopping has been superb.

You and Bernie, together with Michael have made
this forum a winner and that is what it is today.

And not forgetting the efforts of new members especially
Ken, his involvement has been noticeable.

Let's all do our best to keep it that way.
Thank you all.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Aurora Borealis

#16 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Feb 2018, 17:25

Thank you James.

cecile23
Posts: 1
Joined: 05 Feb 2018, 17:11

Re: Aurora Borealis

#17 Post by cecile23 » 05 Feb 2018, 17:42

Have you tried to add more expressive means in this piece? I think, it would be appropriate considering the mood... Although I like how homy this poem sounds.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Aurora Borealis

#18 Post by FranktheFrank » 05 Feb 2018, 17:53

Hi Cecile, I feel wringing the emotion would
detract from the narrative.

Thanks for commenting

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