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FranktheFrank · #1 Post by **FranktheFrank** » 14 Jan 2018, 15:46

move dpoem

BobBradshaw · #2 Post by **BobBradshaw** » 14 Jan 2018, 22:13

Gorgeous poem...all the stanzas are good, but my favorite is the Amey stanza

Bernie01 · #3 Post by **Bernie01** » 15 Jan 2018, 04:18

F---

marvelous.

vivid story telling, fast pace yet no feeling of rush, original and yet clear progression from one story point to a second.

a triumph.

you've worked on this for some time, i think, and with great profit.

bernie

my IPC vote.

FranktheFrank · #4 Post by **FranktheFrank** » 16 Jan 2018, 02:39

Thanks guys,
yes, about a month Bernie.

I find it difficult to stop tinkering,
I suppose I might get better in time.

It's just getting the exact right words.

FranktheFrank · #5 Post by **FranktheFrank** » 19 Jan 2018, 18:34

I have tinkered my best
seems to have grown
wonder if it needs to be put into tercets.

RWCJames · #6 Post by **RWCJames** » 22 Jan 2018, 01:30

in a Dickensian gloom,
an autumn drizzle dampens
the concourse entrance.

You got me on that first reference to Dickens.

The apparent nonchalant attitude and delivery, for me, holds my attention - not put off by any unnecessary descriptions etc.

‘The train on platform four to Tilbury
will leave at 3:55 . . .’
her metallic voice echoes in the rafters.

Nice alliteration here - and particularly taken by the final line - can hear her voice distinctly - RWC

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