Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Feb 2018, 22:26

Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter


I have reassembled my telescope,
given to me 60 years ago.
Years from now, Ashlyn,
we'll gaze together
at the glitzy stars,
burning like penny candles.

As you look up
at the glittery sky your mama
and papa hung just
for you,

I will show you the moon,
pointing out its rooms
like a real estate agent
praising a house
to a potential buyer.

There’s the moon's nursery,
a night light glowing. And there,
a play room.

Ashlyn, sweetheart, do you spot
the Chinese princess
with her rabbit?

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 18 Feb 2018, 22:59

Bob---


wonderful.


playful, sweet and very tender. a poem that refuses to become sentimental, but finds a clear sentiment this reader adored feeling.


bernie

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 19 Feb 2018, 17:40

I thought 'glittering' overused,
how about: star spangled sky'?

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#4 Post by meenas17 » 20 Feb 2018, 15:08

Another graceful poem.
Nice to read.
Moved by the ease of flow.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Feb 2018, 22:29

I'm so glad you liked this one, Meena....

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 20 Feb 2018, 23:07

 
Hi Bob,

Thanks for assembling this telescopic poem with a familial view to the future.

The domicile metaphor is apropos/effective - from playhouse, dollhouse to matron of the home.


Workshop-share below, illustrated for your perusal & consideration   8)   Michael (MV)

I have reassembled my telescope,
given to me when I was about her age.
And soon, Ashlyn & her grandfather
will gaze through glitzy galaxies,
twinkling like penny candles.

As you look up
at the glittery sky
your mama and papa envisioned
just for you,

I will show you the moon,
pointing out the chambers
like a real estate agent giving a tour
to a prospective home-owner ---

There’s a night light kept glowing
in the lunar nursery, joining to
a play room.

Ashlyn, sweetheart, now lets find
the illustrative Chinese princess
with her white rabbit
(in the sky with diamonds)

^^ Michael would probably include that parenthetical; another voice probably wouldn't.

In lieu of a title, in that space instead I might even have that lyric line - Lucy in the sky with diamonds - epigraph as title.

 
 
   

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Setting Up a Telescope for my Granddaughter

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Feb 2018, 23:19

Thanks for the ideas, Michael....I'm always looking to tweak...best, Bob

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