Wheels crinkle on the black star-sprinkled road,
turn left at Moorland Road past the hospital,
men ending their journeys as I begin mine.
I ride along the river bank
stank mud grey like a whale's backside
rich with chit.
Lone herring gull, resplendent, statuesque
in palace-grey chevrons of the queen
presiding over the sewage outfall.
I drift along through an Acheron mist
under the black cliffs of the dry dock,
a river of bitumen over my head.
Past the ship chandler's shack that leans
wearily into the lock-gates pump house.
I turn in on time, Dafydd stamps my card.
Bobby lurks in the shadows,
a flash of his flaccid thing,
the pungent smell of urine.
Juliet meets me at the bridge, her pure
white smile, like the Cliffs of Dover, greet
me with a pheromone drenched fragrance.
I Cycle Again the Dry Dock Road-v2
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Dry Dock Road
Frank---
13 or so images stabbed into an innocent reader. what did we do wrong to deserve this treatment?
LOL.
try one or two, integrated into a coherent poem. then let's see where we are.
bernie
13 or so images stabbed into an innocent reader. what did we do wrong to deserve this treatment?
LOL.
try one or two, integrated into a coherent poem. then let's see where we are.
bernie
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Dry Dock Road
I really like these 2 lines in the closing stanza:
May meets me at the bridge
pure white smile like the cliffs of Dover
if you use fragrance, use a different flower....roses are much too common in poems, and have lost their impact as a consequence
May meets me at the bridge
pure white smile like the cliffs of Dover
if you use fragrance, use a different flower....roses are much too common in poems, and have lost their impact as a consequence
Re: Dry Dock Road
Frank---
yes, agree with Bob:
May meets me at the bridge
pure white smile like the cliffs of Dover
her fragrance a summer rose.
wonderful writing challenge to get that fragrance image just right for this terrific verse.
bernie
yes, agree with Bob:
May meets me at the bridge
pure white smile like the cliffs of Dover
her fragrance a summer rose.
wonderful writing challenge to get that fragrance image just right for this terrific verse.
bernie
-
- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Dry Dock Road
I bow to received wisdom, changed
to: her fragrance drenched in pheromones.
If it makes sense.
to: her fragrance drenched in pheromones.
If it makes sense.