Madame Ginoux

[BobBradshaw]

Madame Ginoux

We work side by side,
Gauguin complaining that I chatter
too much.
He once painted my portrait,
my face flattened
like an orangutan's.
Gauguin will always
be popular with ladies,
and hints of bolting
for Paris.
I advise him
to think about it
carefully.
Will he paint better
in Paris?
Our model, Madame Ginoux,
smiles back at him
from his charcoal
drawing.
She shows me a face
that is all angles,
sharp and cold like a pike's.
Horrified at the thought
of living alone,
I paint her sinking
into depths of black
and icy greens.


v2:
Will Paul paint better
in Paris?
Our model, Madame Ginoux,
smiles back at him
from his charcoal
drawing.
She shows me a face
that is all angles,
sharp and cold like a pike's.
Horrified at the thought
of living alone,
I paint her sinking
into depths of black
and icy greens.



v1:
Madame Ginoux

We work side by side,
Gauguin complaining that I chatter
like a colony of monkeys.
He once painted my portrait
as an ape's,
my face flattened
like an orangutan's.
Gauguin will always
be popular with ladies,
and hints of bolting
for Paris.
I advise him
to think about it
carefully.
Will he paint better
in Paris?
Our model, Madame Ginoux,
smiles back at him
from his charcoal
drawing.
She shows me a face
that is all angles,
sharp and cold like a pike's.
Horrified at the thought
of living alone,
I paint her sinking
into depths of black
and icy greens.

[Bernie01]

Bob---


prefer to omit the first 14 lines....

to zero in on painting and the relationship...less personal characteristics unrelated to art.

these lines are wonderful, to me:

Will he paint better
in Paris?
Our model, Madame Ginoux,
smiles back at him
from his charcoal
drawing.
She shows me a face
that is all angles,
sharp and cold like a pike's.
Horrified at the thought
of living alone,
I paint her sinking
into depths of black
and icy greens.









here, just for background....two excerpts from letters circa 1898


Let’s hope that you’re going to manage to recover completely in Auvers. 1v:4
Cordially

Ever yours,
P. Gauguin



Gauguin’s words in a letter to VVG after the breakup, simply placed as written in poetic lines:

A night sky with a moon
without brightness,
the slender crescent
barely emerging
from the opaque
projected shadow
of the earth –

a star with exaggerated
brightness,
a soft brightness
of pink and green
in the ultramarine
sky where clouds run.


Below, a road bordered
by tall yellow canes
behind the blue Alpilles,
an old inn with orange
windows a tall cypress.



bernie

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Bernie....appreciate the suggestion....will do

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Bob; Hi bernie:

Bob, I respectfully disagree w/ Bernie - I read/hear the 1st half in sequence w/ the latter

Agree, that the 2nd half does stand alone; but then so does the 1st half;

thus, 2 halves of a composition.


If just the 2nd half, then maybe Gauguin instead of Paul.
Moreover, consider this arrangement: "Will Paul paint better in Paris?" as title instead of "Madame Ginoux;" and,
"Gauguin" in the 2nd line instead of the pronoun "he" :


Will Paul paint better in Paris?

Our model, Madame Ginoux,
smiles back at Gauguin
from his charcoal
drawing.
She shows me a face
that is all angles,
sharp and cold like a pike's.
Horrified at the thought
of living alone,
I paint her sinking
into depths of black
and icy greens.

 
 
in the spirit of workshopping



Michael (MV)

 
 
  
 
 
  
 
 
 
  
 
 

[FranktheFrank]

I thought the long poem the better of the two

sitting back and reading the critiques I can
see the points made, but I prefer the long version.

The question is, is the poem better for the extra length
and indeed is the poem better being shortened.

I think a happy medium can be found.

We work side by side,
Gauguin complains that I chatter
too much. He paints my portrait,
my face flat like an orangutan's.
He is popular with ladies,
hence his wish to return
to Paris. But will he paint
better there?

then the second part.

Our model, Madame Ginoux,
smiles back at Gauguin
from his charcoal
drawing.
She shows me a face
that is all angles,
sharp and cold like a pike's.
Horrified at the thought
of living alone,
I paint her sinking
into depths of black
and icy greens.

[BobBradshaw]

I appreciate everyone’s suggestions. Let me think it over