(Cottage at Hillside Island)
In the sleeping meadow
on the slope of the hill
a window of sun wafts
warm greetings
a kiss
Scots pines shed cones
needles spread
beds of antioxidants
and flavonoids
the brook splashes
shaded
cool with brown trout
that pout among
the shingle
polished stones
The sky describes a circle
clouds pass in a hurry
A lark sails
on the wind
watching her chicks
sings her lullaby
I hear you draw near
cradle my head
I smell rosemary, chives,
flour, and freshly baked bread
you tossle my hair
Your rough hands knead
I fall fast
*****
In the sleeping meadow
on the slope of the hill
an island of sun warms
grass sways
wafting baked greetings
onto my lips
a kiss
Scots pines shed cones
around my feet, needles
spread, make my soft bed
the brook splashes nearby
shaded
cool with brown
trout that pout among
the shingle and polished stones
The sky describes a circle around me
clouds pass in a hurry
A lark sings
hauntingly
it sails on the wind
she watches her chicks
calls her lullaby
I hear you draw near
you cradle my head
I smell rosemary, chopped chives
flour, fresh baked bread
you tossle my hair
gently
Your rough hands knead
I fall fast
*****
In the sleeping meadow
on the slope of the hill
an island of sun warms
grass sways
wafting baked greetings
onto my lips
a kiss
Scots pines shed cones
around my feet, needles
spread, make my soft bed
the brook splashes nearby
shaded
cool with brown
trout that pout among
the shingle and polished stones
The sky describes a circle around me
clouds pass in a hurry
A lark sings
hauntingly
it sails on the wind
she watches her chicks
calls her lullaby
I hear you draw near
you cradle my head
I smell rosemary, chopped chives
flour, fresh baked bread
you tossle my hair
gently
Your rough hands knead
I fall fast
Cottage at Ynys y Bryn
-
- Posts: 1987
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Cottage at Ynys y Bryn
Frank---
love the final verse...
could we reduce---avoid the super precious small talk:
In the sleeping meadow
an island of sun warms
grass sways
wafting baked greetings
onto my lips
a kiss from God
Scots pines
cool with brown
trout that pout among
the shingle and polished stones
A lark sings
she watches her chicks
calls her lullaby
keep image making.
bernie
love the final verse...
could we reduce---avoid the super precious small talk:
In the sleeping meadow
an island of sun warms
grass sways
wafting baked greetings
onto my lips
a kiss from God
Scots pines
cool with brown
trout that pout among
the shingle and polished stones
A lark sings
she watches her chicks
calls her lullaby
keep image making.
bernie
-
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Cottage at Ynys y Bryn
Frank. Like the ongoing trope of bread, dough,the small of baked goods, spice
and the kneading. I took "falling" to mean the opposite of rising which takes place in the oven; a surrender so to speak, at the expert hands of the kneader.
I would suggest scribe instead of DEscribe (which is odd).
I like the internal rhyme of spread/bed,
trout/pout.
I find the weakest stanza containing the lark.
This is a poem with great potential
Yet again, another domestic scene.
My thoughts...
and the kneading. I took "falling" to mean the opposite of rising which takes place in the oven; a surrender so to speak, at the expert hands of the kneader.
I would suggest scribe instead of DEscribe (which is odd).
I like the internal rhyme of spread/bed,
trout/pout.
I find the weakest stanza containing the lark.
This is a poem with great potential
Yet again, another domestic scene.
My thoughts...
-
- Posts: 1987
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Cottage at Ynys y Bryn
Thanks Ken
Describe a circle is an engineering term
as well as others, verb.
(transitive) To represent by drawing; to draw a plan of; to delineate; to trace or mark out. quotations ▼
to describe a circle by the compasses; a torch waved about the head in such a way as to describe a circle. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/describe
I fall . . . asleep or whatever the reader sees in that short sentence.
I am odd, so I accept with pride.
Describe a circle is an engineering term
as well as others, verb.
(transitive) To represent by drawing; to draw a plan of; to delineate; to trace or mark out. quotations ▼
to describe a circle by the compasses; a torch waved about the head in such a way as to describe a circle. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/describe
I fall . . . asleep or whatever the reader sees in that short sentence.
I am odd, so I accept with pride.