The Release
Had I tried too hard, like a bellman
desperate for tips?
If I could have carried your luggage
up ninety floors in sweltering heat,
the elevators broken,
I would have.
Yet you sat me down in the Fairmont
on Union Square, ordered tea
and calmly informed me
we had to break up.
You wanted the chance
to meet someone else.
I could have been drinking
gin spiked with anesthesia.
I stared back. As always
words failed me.
Hadn't I been as loyal
as a caboose?
Yet here I was, let go,
love racing ahead
without me
The Release
Re: The Release
A beautiful poem, Bob.
I liked it the instant I read the verse.
So electrifying.
I could visualize your walk alone the lover's track.
Well done.
I liked it the instant I read the verse.
So electrifying.
I could visualize your walk alone the lover's track.
Well done.
meenas17
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Release
Thanks, Meena...I'm so glad it worked....I appreciate your kind comments...best
Re: The Release
Bob---
wonderful confessional tone and flow.
suggestions:
I tried too hard, like a bellman
crazy for tips.
I would carry her bags ninety floors
in sweltering heat if she asked.
She sat me down at the Fairmont
and over iced tea calmly informed me
we had to break up so she could meet
someone new.
I could have been drinking gin
spiked with anesthesia. I stared
back through horn rim glasses,
speechless.
Loyal as an Alaskan husky,
here I was with love racing away
on skates,
and me left to pay the tab.
bernie
wonderful confessional tone and flow.
suggestions:
I tried too hard, like a bellman
crazy for tips.
I would carry her bags ninety floors
in sweltering heat if she asked.
She sat me down at the Fairmont
and over iced tea calmly informed me
we had to break up so she could meet
someone new.
I could have been drinking gin
spiked with anesthesia. I stared
back through horn rim glasses,
speechless.
Loyal as an Alaskan husky,
here I was with love racing away
on skates,
and me left to pay the tab.
bernie
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Release
Thanks, Bernie....your feedback is always entertaining and helpful...I will consider your ideas....best, Bob
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: The Release
You always write good poems Bob
and win very often too.
This is typical of your work,
makes me think and yes, these
kind of events are sad in life.
I guess I am lucky to have met
the right girl and she happened to like
me and nothing has ever changed that.
and win very often too.
This is typical of your work,
makes me think and yes, these
kind of events are sad in life.
I guess I am lucky to have met
the right girl and she happened to like
me and nothing has ever changed that.