The Release

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

The Release

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Apr 2018, 20:17

The Release


Had I tried too hard, like a bellman
desperate for tips?

If I could have carried your luggage
up ninety floors in sweltering heat,

the elevators broken,
I would have.

Yet you sat me down in the Fairmont
on Union Square, ordered tea

and calmly informed me
we had to break up.

You wanted the chance
to meet someone else.

I could have been drinking
gin spiked with anesthesia.

I stared back. As always
words failed me.

Hadn't I been as loyal
as a caboose?

Yet here I was, let go,
love racing ahead
without me

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Release

#2 Post by meenas17 » 05 Apr 2018, 20:28

A beautiful poem, Bob.
I liked it the instant I read the verse.
So electrifying.
I could visualize your walk alone the lover's track.
Well done.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Release

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Apr 2018, 20:53

Thanks, Meena...I'm so glad it worked....I appreciate your kind comments...best

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: The Release

#4 Post by Bernie01 » 06 Apr 2018, 00:38

Bob---

wonderful confessional tone and flow.


suggestions:

I tried too hard, like a bellman
crazy for tips.

I would carry her bags ninety floors
in sweltering heat if she asked.

She sat me down at the Fairmont
and over iced tea calmly informed me
we had to break up so she could meet
someone new.

I could have been drinking gin
spiked with anesthesia. I stared
back through horn rim glasses,
speechless.

Loyal as an Alaskan husky,
here I was with love racing away
on skates,

and me left to pay the tab.





bernie

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Release

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 06 Apr 2018, 04:25

Thanks, Bernie....your feedback is always entertaining and helpful...I will consider your ideas....best, Bob

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Release

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Apr 2018, 13:28

You always write good poems Bob
and win very often too.
This is typical of your work,
makes me think and yes, these
kind of events are sad in life.
I guess I am lucky to have met
the right girl and she happened to like
me and nothing has ever changed that.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Release

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Apr 2018, 22:05

You are blessed, Frank

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