Automobile Rescue Repairmen - Fred and Joe - V2

[FranktheFrank]

His voice percolates through from
the dining room, reflects his impatience,
his frustration. I try to focus
on my newspaper. He cries again
to himself, 'I can't do it.'

I place De Courant down
and call out, "What's the matter Oscar?"
'I can't do it Grandpa.' His voice weary.
"Come to Grandpa Oscar."
He toddles in with his breakdown
lorry, He can't hook the winch-cable
around the car. I show him how,
"Look, wrap the hook around
then catch it on the cable."
His fingers twitch, he can't wait.
I imitate repairmen speaking.
"Okay Fred, wind him up."
'Okay Joe, coming up.'


He toddles back to the dining room,
clutching the vehicles.
All I hear for the rest of that day is:
"Okay Fred, wind him up."
'Okay Joe, coming up.'

Months later my son listens
in as we play repairmen.
"Oh Dad, that's where he gets
Fred and Joe from!"



Thanks to Dale and Bernie for feedback
*****



His voice percolates through from
the dining room, reflects impatience,
his frustration. I try to focus
on my newspaper. He cries again
to himself, 'I can't do it.'

I place De Courant down
and call out, "What's the matter Oscar?"
'I can't do it Grandpa.' His voice weary.
"Come to Grandpa Oscar." The third
person used as if basic grammar
is beyond them.

He toddles in with his breakdown
lorry, a Mini-Matchbox series
injection-moulding toy. He can't
hook the winch-cable around the car.

I show him how, "Look, wrap
the hook around then tie
a bight." His fingers twitch,
he can't wait. I carry on with my lesson.
"Okay Fred, wind him up."
'Okay Joe, coming up.'
Oma beams, enjoys the lesson.

He toddles back to the dining room,
clutching the vehicles.
All I hear for the rest of that day is:
"Okay Fred, wind him up."
'Okay Joe, coming up.'

Months later my son listens
in as I play repairman with
my darling grandson,
"Oh Dad, that's where he gets
Fred and Joe from!"

[IndianaDP]

Having grandchildren of my own I can appreciate your story, an endearing tale indeed. For me, it needs to be fleshed out more like a short story. As a poem I think too many of the dots are connected. I will be curious to see where this goes.

[FranktheFrank]

Hi Dale,
that's it I'm afraid
flash fiction
it's done.

Thanks.

[IndianaDP]

Ah ha, fair enough. I find it rather sad when I shop for my grandchildren, not many toy wreckers or dump trucks. They want video games.

[Bernie01]

Frank---

only the ten commandments are in stone.

any photo....can be retouched....


I like the refrain, the ending lines....for the poem.

the details of the repair, might go the way of the dodo bird.

His voice percolates through from
the dining room, reflects impatience,
his frustration. I try to focus
on my newspaper. He cries again
to himself, 'I can't do it.'

me i cut.

"I can't do it," he says
and gives the toy a shake.



He toddles in with his breakdown
lorry...


we put our heads together
for the repair.



unneeded details..

a Mini-Matchbox series
injection-moulding toy. He can't
hook the winch-cable around the car.

cut....






I show him how, "Look, wrap
the hook around then tie
a bight." His fingers twitch,
he can't wait. I carry on with my lesson.


cut..."look, wrap the hook..." etc...and .I carry on with the lessen.


resist the tendency to make the poet the center of attention...the hero...



"Okay Fred, wind him up."
'Okay Joe, coming up.'
Oma beams, enjoys the lesson.


Oma? Mother?


let the little one prevail and star the poem.


in your Gunga Din parody....the poet receives a tribute from the set upon servant...in the original, the story teller declares Gunga Din a better man than himself.

bernie

[FranktheFrank]

Thank you Bernie,
I get your points.