Shelley's Heart

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Shelley's Heart

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Apr 2018, 22:47

v2:

Shelley's Heart

Your mother, Mary, was ill, but desperate
to find her husband, who was late
returning home to Lerici,

when she heard the news:
Percy had been hastily buried
in the sands of Viareggio.

Young Percy, you would have been appalled
to see your father's body - falling
apart - when dug up a month later

by his friends.
They lifted him onto a pyre
on the beach, and set him ablaze.

His bones crumbled into a white ash,
but his carbonized heart
would not burn.

You would have grieved
to hear Hunt's shameful refusal
at first to return the heart to your mother,

who was inconsolable.
She carried it for years, swaddled
in silks, wherever she went.

It was found at her death
in her beloved writing desk.
She had been determined

to keep your father close,
to never allow him
out of her reach
again.


v1:
Shelley's Heart


Your mother, Mary, was ill, but desperate
to find Percy, who was late
returning home to Lerici,

when she heard the news:
Percy had been hastily buried
in the sands of Viareggio.

You would have been shocked
to see your father's body, falling apart,
when dug up a month later

by his friends.
They lifted him onto a pyre
on the beach, and set him ablaze.

His bones crumbled into a white ash,
but his carbonized heart
would not burn.

You would have grieved
to hear Hunt's shameful refusal
at first to return the heart to your mother,

who was inconsolable.
She carried it for years, wrapped
in silks, wherever she went.

It was found at her death
in her beloved writing desk.
She had been determined

to keep your father close,
to never allow him
out of her reach
again.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Shelley's Heart

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 28 Apr 2018, 01:39

 
Hi Bob,

I can't linger now; but hope to soon, b/c this letter-poem mult-appeals to me.

Is it available to represent the Writer's Block in the upcoming May IBPC 2018.

I hope so.

Thanks, Bob


8)

Michael (MV)
 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Shelley's Heart

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 28 Apr 2018, 07:50

Thank you, Michael...I’m glad you like it, and yes, it’s available... thank you for considering it

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Shelley's Heart

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 28 Apr 2018, 13:01

I nominate this poem of Bob's
for the May IBPC.

IndianaDP
Posts: 181
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Shelley's Heart

#5 Post by IndianaDP » 28 Apr 2018, 15:04

Great poem Bob, love the surreal twist in an otherwise normal story. I will give it a second for IBPC.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Shelley's Heart

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 29 Apr 2018, 01:13

Frank, Dale... thanks... I appreciate it

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Shelley's Heart

#7 Post by Bernie01 » 29 Apr 2018, 02:08

Shelley's Heart...


a third nom from me....loved the ending. the narrative flow handles a lot of detail, but does so smoothly and without interrupting the building mood.

very very nice.


bernie

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Shelley's Heart

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Apr 2018, 11:46

 
Hi Bob

comments, and unconditional workshop share:

in lieu of "Percy" in stanza 1:

Your mother, Mary, was ill, but desperate
to find her husband, who was late
returning home to Lerici,


re:

"Percy had been hastily buried
in the sands of Viareggio."

^^ his poem "Ozymandias" resonates:

" . . Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away"

^^ most esp that last line



Assuming the speaker is addressing Sir Percy Florence Shelley, the only surviving child, I'm suggesting personalizing; and appalled for "shocked";
and others, illustrated within, which are prompted by "gothic" responses (literary & nonfictional) to the passing of the loved one:


Young Percy, you would have been appalled
to see your father's body - falling
apart - when dug up a month

later by his friends, who lifted
the reposed upon a beach pyre, yet to witness
the poet's remains light up the night.

His bones cremated to a white ash,
but his lionized heart, resisting
to burn, carbonized instead.

Percy, you would have felt disheartened
to hear Hunt's shameful hesitation
to return the heart home.

And even then, your mother continued inconsolable.
The wife still carrying her husband's heart,
swadded in silks, wherever she went.

At her death, the relic was found
safe within her writing desk,
like a ring with the unwritten vow:

two keeping
in rhythm as one
forevermore


^^ Yes, an allusion to Poe and "Annabel Lee" from the other side of the Atlantic:

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we--
Of many far wiser than we--
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee



^^ trans-Atlantic & Universal - the Heart is not earthbound


Thanks, Bob, this poem was a wonderful experience, from the Heart with Lit

Mr. & Mrs. Shelley are liking it too (and "Thank You" too)
In heaven there is no tense
just Present

Ask Brother Percy, I believe he knows

8)

Michael (MV)


BobBradshaw wrote:Shelley's Heart


Your mother, Mary, was ill, but desperate
to find Percy, who was late
returning home to Lerici,

when she heard the news:
Percy had been hastily buried
in the sands of Viareggio.

You would have been shocked
to see your father's body, falling apart,
when dug up a month later

by his friends.
They lifted him onto a pyre
on the beach, and set him ablaze.

His bones crumbled into a white ash,
but his carbonized heart
would not burn.

You would have grieved
to hear Hunt's shameful refusal
at first to return the heart to your mother,

who was inconsolable.
She carried it for years, wrapped
in silks, wherever she went.

It was found at her death
in her beloved writing desk.
She had been determined

to keep your father close,
to never allow him
out of her reach
again.
 
 
 
 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Shelley's Heart

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 30 Apr 2018, 05:01

Thanks very much, Michael, for your ideas. I have incorporated some of the suggestions into the latest version. Best, Bob

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Shelley's Heart

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 03 May 2018, 17:46

No long dead artist, musician, writer
is not softened at your hand.

I've said before, a book of all these
would be one I would buy

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Shelley's Heart

#11 Post by BobBradshaw » 03 May 2018, 23:55

Thanks, Kenneth... appreciate it

Post Reply