Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
If only for the sake of Tuesday
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
I turn back, remembering i woke
again last night talking
aloud to the characters
In my dream.
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
I turn back, remembering i woke
again last night talking
aloud to the characters
In my dream.
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- Posts: 2691
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Oh, this is different...I like it. That opening stanza with the "trick knee" grabs me....I want to follow along immediately. This picture of someone whose life is very limited is well done...one limited in more ways than just to "thirty seven light poles"....the irony of the meter man with the safari hat, also tabulating, is such a nice complementary turn.
I prefer a stronger ending....it may just be my bias speaking....references to "dreams" usually don't work that well...otherwise there is much to like here....
Love these lines:
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
I prefer a stronger ending....it may just be my bias speaking....references to "dreams" usually don't work that well...otherwise there is much to like here....
Love these lines:
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
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- Posts: 1987
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Reminds me of House.
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Bob, Frank. Thank you.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
I like those lines, too Michael (MV)
BobBradshaw wrote:Oh, this is different...I like it. That opening stanza with the "trick knee" grabs me....I want to follow along immediately. This picture of someone whose life is very limited is well done...one limited in more ways than just to "thirty seven light poles"....the irony of the meter man with the safari hat, also tabulating, is such a nice complementary turn.
I prefer a stronger ending....it may just be my bias speaking....references to "dreams" usually don't work that well...otherwise there is much to like here....
Love these lines:
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Hi Kenneth,
these lines took me to Frost:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... -the-night
and the closing to Steve Winwood (he will be 70 Saturday):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_cont ... wLNRYu4yj4
and
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpXG23PlvF4
Michael (MV)
Kenneth2816 wrote:If only for the sake of Tuesday
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
I turn back, remembering i woke
again last night talking
aloud to the characters
In my dream.
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Hi Kenneth,
Well this 'spring' poem is certainly different - original. I like it!
'one trick knee' -- love it! and 'laces undone because of the edema'. You make this person so real, Kenneth.
There is a fire station near where I live and I am left wondering how many light poles away it is. I must count.
Good work.
Eira
Well this 'spring' poem is certainly different - original. I like it!
'one trick knee' -- love it! and 'laces undone because of the edema'. You make this person so real, Kenneth.
There is a fire station near where I live and I am left wondering how many light poles away it is. I must count.
Good work.
Eira
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Eira thank you so much
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
K---
high test heartbreak.
i would drop the ending dream ref....for? well i'm thinking.
i'd add a metal walker.
a wallet penned in a pouch.
an orthopedic shoe
and raspy basal cough,
ubiquitous telephone holster
strung on a worn brown belt.
faded green tattoo
of Singapore and Port Royal.
really dig this pom.
bernie
high test heartbreak.
i would drop the ending dream ref....for? well i'm thinking.
i'd add a metal walker.
a wallet penned in a pouch.
an orthopedic shoe
and raspy basal cough,
ubiquitous telephone holster
strung on a worn brown belt.
faded green tattoo
of Singapore and Port Royal.
really dig this pom.
bernie
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
gang...
check kate tempest...
british rapping poet.
bernie
https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sear ... tion=click
https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sear ... ction=view
check kate tempest...
british rapping poet.
bernie
https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sear ... tion=click
https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/sear ... ction=view
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- Posts: 1987
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring
Ken's poem is real
modern life
pills and oedema.
Counts telephone poles
as a grip on reality
how far can he walk
not far, then a salmon pill.
Whereas
Rap is fake art
like a pile of bricks in the Tate
it will make you mad in the end
rob you of your intellect
you wil post incoherent sentences
and dribble bad grammar.
modern life
pills and oedema.
Counts telephone poles
as a grip on reality
how far can he walk
not far, then a salmon pill.
Whereas
Rap is fake art
like a pile of bricks in the Tate
it will make you mad in the end
rob you of your intellect
you wil post incoherent sentences
and dribble bad grammar.