Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 03 May 2018, 17:42

If only for the sake of Tuesday
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,

laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.


It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.

The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.

I turn back, remembering i woke
again last night talking
aloud to the characters
In my dream.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 04 May 2018, 10:16

Oh, this is different...I like it. That opening stanza with the "trick knee" grabs me....I want to follow along immediately. This picture of someone whose life is very limited is well done...one limited in more ways than just to "thirty seven light poles"....the irony of the meter man with the safari hat, also tabulating, is such a nice complementary turn.

I prefer a stronger ending....it may just be my bias speaking....references to "dreams" usually don't work that well...otherwise there is much to like here....

Love these lines:

It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.

The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 04 May 2018, 21:57

Reminds me of House.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 05 May 2018, 19:01

Bob, Frank. Thank you.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#5 Post by Michael (MV) » 07 May 2018, 20:10

 
I like those lines, too   8)   Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw wrote:Oh, this is different...I like it. That opening stanza with the "trick knee" grabs me....I want to follow along immediately. This picture of someone whose life is very limited is well done...one limited in more ways than just to "thirty seven light poles"....the irony of the meter man with the safari hat, also tabulating, is such a nice complementary turn.

I prefer a stronger ending....it may just be my bias speaking....references to "dreams" usually don't work that well...otherwise there is much to like here....

Love these lines:

It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.

The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 07 May 2018, 20:31

 
Hi Kenneth,


these lines took me to Frost:

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... -the-night


and the closing to Steve Winwood (he will be 70 Saturday):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_cont ... wLNRYu4yj4

and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpXG23PlvF4


8)

Michael (MV)

 

 
Kenneth2816 wrote:If only for the sake of Tuesday
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,

laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.


It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.

The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.

I turn back, remembering i woke
again last night talking
aloud to the characters
In my dream.
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 08 May 2018, 18:55

Ty Michael

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#8 Post by capricorn » 09 May 2018, 23:56

Hi Kenneth,

Well this 'spring' poem is certainly different - original. I like it!

'one trick knee' -- love it! and 'laces undone because of the edema'. You make this person so real, Kenneth.

There is a fire station near where I live and I am left wondering how many light poles away it is. I must count.

Good work.
Eira

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 10 May 2018, 06:22

Eira thank you so much

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#10 Post by Bernie01 » 10 May 2018, 07:21

K---

high test heartbreak.

i would drop the ending dream ref....for? well i'm thinking.



i'd add a metal walker.

a wallet penned in a pouch.

an orthopedic shoe
and raspy basal cough,


ubiquitous telephone holster
strung on a worn brown belt.


faded green tattoo
of Singapore and Port Royal.



really dig this pom.


bernie


FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Trying to Get Motivated Now That it's Spring

#12 Post by FranktheFrank » 10 May 2018, 10:50

Ken's poem is real
modern life
pills and oedema.
Counts telephone poles
as a grip on reality
how far can he walk
not far, then a salmon pill.

Whereas
Rap is fake art
like a pile of bricks in the Tate
it will make you mad in the end
rob you of your intellect
you wil post incoherent sentences
and dribble bad grammar. :)

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