I write as if you will read this as a letter
and be reminded of the times we spent
together. I don’t know why it's worked
out this way and I don’t know if you still think
of me, yet I feel that those times when I left
you alone, must be etched deep in your memory
like seeds in a sunflower and we can never get
them out again. I would do anything to remove
the hurts that life inflicts, but I can’t.
I wish I could take you to the river bank again.
You would hold my hand, and we would look
out over the pond. You would wait quietly knowing
I would speak about fishes hiding in the weeds,
that they would scoot out to snatch a fly.
You would ask why, and I would say,
"Well they like flies," and the 'why’s' would come
until you were satisfied. You would release my hand
to drape it across the ribs of my wide back
and we would set there awhile, content.
Letter to Emma
-
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Letter to Emma
I like this quiet discussion, the writer seems enmeshed in memories.
bernie
bernie
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Letter to Emma
I agree. The calm, reflective tone draws me in, and I like the conversational lilt of this
Re: Letter to Emma
Yes, Frank, I also like the conversational, reflective tone in this one, especially the second stanza which has some lovely descriptions. The first stanza is more abstract and I think could be trimmed back in parts to avoid repetition.
I don’t know why it has worked
out this way and I don’t know if you still think
well of me,
could be cut to
I don’t know why it has worked
out this way or if you still think
well of me,
yet I feel that those times when I left
you alone, [that those days] must be etched deep
in your memory
that those days is a repetition of those times
Is the 'but I can't' needed at the end? I feel the reader gets that without you saying.
I particularly like the ending stanza, but perhaps sit or settle there content at the end.
Enjoyed the read
Eira
I don’t know why it has worked
out this way and I don’t know if you still think
well of me,
could be cut to
I don’t know why it has worked
out this way or if you still think
well of me,
yet I feel that those times when I left
you alone, [that those days] must be etched deep
in your memory
that those days is a repetition of those times
Is the 'but I can't' needed at the end? I feel the reader gets that without you saying.
I particularly like the ending stanza, but perhaps sit or settle there content at the end.
Enjoyed the read
Eira
-
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Letter to Emma
Father to a daughter?
Very poignant and well handled
Very poignant and well handled
-
- Posts: 1983
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Letter to Emma
Thank you all for commenting
based on real life
a surrogate dad
talking in a letter
to a child living far away.
based on real life
a surrogate dad
talking in a letter
to a child living far away.