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Urban Aspirations

Posted: 15 May 2018, 11:16
by Kenneth2816
If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.

I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon.

It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
On clear days, they pull the engines
half out of their bays.

The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs-ups me and I nod.

I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.

I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge

It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.

Re: I think I may have it this time

Posted: 15 May 2018, 23:25
by Bernie01
K---


haunting.

knocks me down, again and again.

breathtaking imagery, so original:


If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.



great opening.


love this:

I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,





It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.


The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.


great movement and very visual, and easiy for the reader to follow and yet unexpected and original..



strong, terrific close. very fine poem.


I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.

I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge

It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.



bernie

Re: I think I may have it this time

Posted: 16 May 2018, 18:50
by BobBradshaw
You nail it this time... the ending is excellent

Re: I think I may have it this time

Posted: 16 May 2018, 20:55
by Kenneth2816
Bernie, Bob thank you. I don't know about you guys, but I simply cannot write s poem without a workshop.

Re: I think I may have it this time

Posted: 17 May 2018, 03:44
by BobBradshaw
Sometimes it takes a village ...

Re: I think I may have it this time

Posted: 17 May 2018, 09:07
by SivaRamanathan
Kenneth

Enjoyed reading this poem. I wish you had left the original to make comparisons and learn. Now I must learn to store in word files.

S

Re: I think I may have it this time

Posted: 18 May 2018, 03:13
by Kenneth2816
Thank you. I see others revise in the original post. I've never tried it but will

Re: Urban Aspirations

Posted: 09 Aug 2018, 09:59
by Kenneth2816
Revised

Re: Urban Aspirations

Posted: 09 Aug 2018, 10:27
by BobBradshaw
A remarkable piece, and a great close

Re: Urban Aspirations

Posted: 09 Aug 2018, 10:49
by SivaRamanathan
And well analyzed.

Re: Urban Aspirations

Posted: 10 Aug 2018, 18:06
by Kenneth2816
Thank u Bob and Siva