New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry
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I think I may have it this time
http://www.the-writers-block.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=7064
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Author:  Kenneth2816 [ 15 May 2018, 11:16 ]
Post subject:  I think I may have it this time

If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.

I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,

The philodendron already
on the banister from when
The cat pissed in it.

It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.

The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.

I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.

I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge

It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.

Author:  Bernie01 [ 15 May 2018, 23:25 ]
Post subject:  Re: I think I may have it this time

K---


haunting.

knocks me down, again and again.

breathtaking imagery, so original:


If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.



great opening.


love this:

I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,





It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.


The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.


great movement and very visual, and easiy for the reader to follow and yet unexpected and original..



strong, terrific close. very fine poem.


I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.

I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge

It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.



bernie

Author:  BobBradshaw [ 16 May 2018, 18:50 ]
Post subject:  Re: I think I may have it this time

You nail it this time... the ending is excellent

Author:  Kenneth2816 [ 16 May 2018, 20:55 ]
Post subject:  Re: I think I may have it this time

Bernie, Bob thank you. I don't know about you guys, but I simply cannot write s poem without a workshop.

Author:  BobBradshaw [ 17 May 2018, 03:44 ]
Post subject:  Re: I think I may have it this time

Sometimes it takes a village ...

Author:  SivaRamanathan [ 17 May 2018, 09:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: I think I may have it this time

Kenneth

Enjoyed reading this poem. I wish you had left the original to make comparisons and learn. Now I must learn to store in word files.

S

Author:  Kenneth2816 [ 18 May 2018, 03:13 ]
Post subject:  Re: I think I may have it this time

Thank you. I see others revise in the original post. I've never tried it but will

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