Dark when you kiss my eyes,
but I can see lightning
staggering in a sky corner,
I notice rocket ships fast
in the fox constellation
driving to a greater cosmos,
a moon full of bougainvillea
stares without speaking.
Stargate
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Stargate
This whimsical poem grows on me with each reading, a future opening up that stretches into wondrous possibilities with that kissing of the narrator's eyes....closing with that romantic image of a moon "full of bougainvillea".....
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Stargate
Typo on lightning. I like it but wonder if it's brevity works against itself.
Have two sustain instead of eightvsingke lines with no stanza break? Form won't make a bad poem good, but can make a good poem better Trivia suggestions I know.
I think the last two lines are stellar
Have two sustain instead of eightvsingke lines with no stanza break? Form won't make a bad poem good, but can make a good poem better Trivia suggestions I know.
I think the last two lines are stellar