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The First Time I Drank With My Father

Posted: 08 Jun 2018, 00:00
by Kenneth2816
Nurses wash you with long hair
trailing over ribs and rigging,
faint blue outline
of a Spanish tri-master
on custard colored skin.

In the Liberation of '44
you sailed the Champs Ellysees
with the swagger of conquest.

Women jostled to be first
to touch your face,
kiss your hand,
litter your path with flowers.

Now you've pissed yourself again.

I give my name to the night clerk,
fresh bed clothes to orderlies.

I side-step through piles
of soiled linen.

The fetid air masks
two shots and a beer
it takes just to be the last
of your sons to come.

I have the combat boots
You bought me as a kid,
black as a German night.
I place them under your bed
and know I'll never come again.

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

Posted: 08 Jun 2018, 09:19
by BobBradshaw
I like this a lot, especially the last 2 stanzas. A moving, tough poem

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

Posted: 08 Jun 2018, 18:19
by SivaRamanathan
Nurses wash you
with long hair trailing over ribs
and rigging,faint blue outline
of a Spanish tri-master
on custard colored skin.

The whole poem is very nicely brought out with apt words.

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

Posted: 11 Jun 2018, 14:52
by Kenneth2816
Bob, Siva thank you

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

Posted: 14 Jun 2018, 10:54
by EricRomm
Beautifully written!

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

Posted: 14 Jun 2018, 14:12
by FranktheFrank
Nurses wash your long hair,
it trails over ribs, rigging
a faint blue outline,
a Spanish tri-master,
custard colored skin.

In the Liberation of '44
you sailed the Champs Ellysees
with the swagger of conquest.

Women jostled to
to touch your face,
kiss your hand,
your path littered with flowers,
not all they had to offer,
but nearly.

You've pissed yourself again.

Ken, a suggestion above to shorten
a tad, your choice. You tend like me
to wordiness on first draft.
Enjoyed.

Re: I Never Drank With My Father

Posted: 14 Jun 2018, 15:40
by Kenneth2816
Eric. Frank. Thank you

Re: The First Time I Drank With My Father

Posted: 14 Jun 2018, 15:44
by Kenneth2816
Shortened

Re: The First Time I Drank With My Father

Posted: 14 Jun 2018, 19:13
by Bernie01
Kenneth:

This poem never forgets to introduce plot.

the idea, in the title and last verse, that a tension exists between son and father---the reasons are not given, good. not needed.

the poem is almost savage in its building and compilation of facts, history and mood.

a great triumph here, a memorable poem, both vivid and incisive.



bernie

Re: The First Time I Drank With My Father

Posted: 15 Jun 2018, 02:38
by Kenneth2816
Thank you Bernie. I am in your debt for this poem.