Iolo's Stand - V3

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Iolo's Stand - V3

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 16 Jun 2018, 10:31

As the Romans abandoned Pretania,
Frisian raiders invaded the undefended
Pretania coast bringing slaughter
and mayhem.
They made sacrifice to their gods
by cutting out the pulsing lungs of
victims to form angels wings.

Three days in the oak, he watched
the glow of a blazing red sunset
and settled for the night.

Before dawn he ate sparingly, toasted
barley, savouring each grain that reflected
the golden rain of summer.

His people were small in stature, too small
to stand against the sais in open array.
How could they, the enemy were giants.

The dogs warned him of the approaching,
warriors, the dogs withdrew to the copse
of burnished copper beech. He listened

as the Frisian's cries wafted over the hill,
careless as if they owned the land. He bent
his bow and fitted the scarlet line,

rubbed with resin to bind the fibres. They
came over the rise, heavy in armour.
He pulled the string so it touched his ear

and let fly, listened as it flew to hear it sigh.
The first bodkin took under the arm, exited
via the jugular, the deep wound gushed red.

He didn't feel sad, every year they came
pillaging. Six men, skirmishing would not save
them. The bracken crunched russet brown.

The Pretans had developed the longbow made
from the best Iberian Oak that could pierce
armour at one hundred yards. The heaviest

bows required the strongest archers to pull
such a bow, and he was one, but deformed
by the enormous muscles of his right shoulder.

He picked his targets one by one, they closed
to twenty yards, easy now. Too late they ran.
His dogs fought over the last man's liver.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Iolo's Last Stand

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 Jun 2018, 21:29

What a powerful last line! I like the storytelling....but the style is formal. I wonder if it would be better served with a more contemporary style, more informal, which would also increase the pace....something to try?

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Last Stand

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 16 Jun 2018, 22:17

Thanks Bob, glad you like.
Do you mean a block of writing rather than tercets.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Iolo's Stand

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Jun 2018, 15:55

I'm a fan of martial poetry.I would opt for incorporating the block into the poem ,since it's necessary for background. As is it reads as an addendum. Hope you go further with this

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Stand

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 19 Jun 2018, 18:54

Thanks Ken,
I shall try your suggestion.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Iolo's Stand - V2

#6 Post by Bernie01 » 20 Jun 2018, 04:03

As the Romans abandoned Pretania,
the Frisian raiders invaded the undefended
Brittainy coast bringing new slaughter
and mayhem.


They made sacrifice to their gods
by cutting out the pulsing lungs of
victims to form angels wings.



i suggest making this a little less like a history lesson with dates...etc...

by the way, did the Romans have so much gold they could leave these items behind?






great opening:



Three days in the oak, he watched
the glow of a blazing red sunset
and settled for the night.

Before dawn he ate sparingly, toasted
barley, savouring each grain that reflected
the golden rain of summer.

His people were small in stature, too small
to stand against the sais in open array.
How could they, they were giants, 7 feet tall.

The dogs warned him of the enemy
approaching, they withdrew to the copse
of burnished copper beech. He listened

as the Frisian's cries wafted over the hill,
careless as if they owned the land.
He bent his bow and fitted the scarlet line,

rubbed with resin to bind the fibres. They
came over the rise, heavy with armour.
He pulled the string so it touched his ear

and let fly, listened as it flew to hear it sigh.
The first bodkin took under the arm, exited
via the jugular, the deep wound gushed red.

He didn't feel sad, every year they came
pillaging. Six men, skirmishing would not save
them. The bracken crunched russet brown.

The Pretans shouldered /developed
the longbows made Iberian Oak that could pierce
armour at one hundred yards. The strongest

bows required the strongest archers to pull
such a bow, and he was one, but deformed
by the enormous strength in his right arm.



He picked his targets one by one, they closed
to 20 yards, easy now. Too late they ran.
His dogs fought over the last man's liver.






powerful close.

a few hundred years later
the starving German 6th Army
in Stalingrad ate human flesh,
horse meat and some men
boiled leather shoes.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Stand - V2

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Jun 2018, 12:40

Thanks Bernie
Glad you like.
As usual you put your finger
on relevant details.
Yes, the Romans loved gold, yes the Celts were a constant
thorn in their flesh in Europe, and after wiping out resistance
there turned their attention to the Insular Celts (3 in Britain).
They invaded for more than one reason, 1. to kill all Celtic
resistance 2. cut off the head of religion at Ynys Mon (druidism)
3. take hold of the means of supply of metals, gold, silver,
copper iron and other metals. They left Britan to it's own
defence to focus on the Germanic tribes, who like the Scots,
had wiped out two Roman legions.

I shall address the dates, thanks for the thumbs up.

How nice to be part of a workshopping process where
adult conversation is the norm, where writers can state
their beliefs and opinions in open forum, where critiques
are given and taken in a positve way, and where poets
don't constantly parade their imagined successes
in self-agrandisement.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#8 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jun 2018, 19:35

Just a suggestion. Instead of singular tense, how about "we"?

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#9 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Jun 2018, 19:57

For what line Ken?

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jun 2018, 20:49

All that say "he"

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#11 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Jun 2018, 02:09

I see, but it's about one lone archer in a tree Ken.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#12 Post by Bernie01 » 21 Jun 2018, 02:44

Frank---


the ecstasy of gold, from the movie w clint eastwood.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pyZt-B ... tM&index=8



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkM71JP ... rt_radio=1

good bad and ugly with danish national orchestra whistler, soprano, clap board, female conductor



bernie





for fun, wish you would try another poem that tells the archer's story---in greater detail....

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#13 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Jun 2018, 03:51

Thanks Bernie, enjoyed the music clip.
Here is Bukowski on life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTPxWkBgW6U
he has such a melodious voice.

You're on B. I will try another poem
greater detail, you mean an expanded scenario, plot,
or more archer/bow/bodkin detail.

Iolo is one of my characters in a novel I am in the process
of writing, he's one of my favourites, harmless unless you
happen to be sais. Iberia (in Spain) had a Celtic enclave
the stongest wood came from oaks possibly because of the
hot climate. The Celtic circle: Wales, Ireland, Cornwall, Scotland
and Brittany were joined by a sea highway and trade was prevelant
between those lands. The Welsh fought constantly for a thousand
years before being incorporated, like the American Indiginous peoples,
into the English Empire.

Bows of 140 pounds pull needed experienced archers, these men were
horrendously deformed, skeletons of the Mary Rose, a Tudor ship that
sak in the middle ages, had such bows and the skeletons of the archers
were found to be disfigured on the right side caused no doubt by many
years of pulling such bows.


Now to write that poem.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#14 Post by BobBradshaw » 21 Jun 2018, 05:45

Enjoyed this, Frank.... my fave stanzas these

The dogs warned him of the approaching,
warriors, the dogs withdrew to the copse
of burnished copper beech. He listened

as the Frisian's cries wafted over the hill,
careless as if they owned the land. He bent
his bow and fitted the scarlet line,

rubbed with resin to bind the fibre

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#15 Post by Bernie01 » 21 Jun 2018, 06:10

Frank---


great idea.

I see a young woman rubbing a muscled right arm of a warrior. her hand traces a large scar.

the man's dog at their feet, but vigilant, we back away and see his bow. the fire is low, it is almost sunrise.

he stands, she does not release his arm and is pulled slowly, reluctantly, to her feet.


i'm thinking the young Arnold.


horses, a rebel priestess who joins him after her son is murdered, a wiseman who narrates...old, ancient...


archtypes all....up dated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRTPf0g4h9s


use the imagination.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)
Quotes
Showing all 49 items

Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?

Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.

Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?

Conan: To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women.

Mongol General: That is good! That is good.
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Conan: Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!
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Mongol General: What is best in life?

Conan: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
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King Osric: There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child.
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Conan's Father: Fire and wind come from the sky, from the gods of the sky. But Crom is your god, Crom and he lives in the earth. Once, giants lived in the Earth, Conan. And in the darkness of chaos, they fooled Crom, and they took from him the enigma of steel. Crom was angered. And the Earth shook. Fire and wind struck down these giants, and they threw their bodies into the waters, but in their rage, the gods forgot the secret of steel and left it on the battlefield. We who found it are just men. Not gods. Not giants. Just men. The secret of steel has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, Conan. You must learn its discipline. For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts.

[Points to sword]

Conan's Father: This you can trust.
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Thulsa Doom: I wish to speak to you now. Where is the Eye of the Serpent? Rexor says that you gave to a girl, probably for a mere night's pleasure, hmm? What a loss. People have no grasp of what they do. You broke into my house, stole my property, murdered my servants, and my PETS! And that is what grieves me the most! You killed my snake. Thorgrim is beside himself with grief! He raised that snake from the time it was born.

Conan: You killed my mother! You killed my father, you killed my people! You took my father's sword... ah -

[Rexor twists his arm]

Thulsa Doom: Ah. It must have been when I was younger. There was a time, boy, when I searched for steel, when steel meant more to me than gold or jewels.

Conan: The riddle... of steel.

Thulsa Doom: Yes! You know what it is, don't you boy? Shall I tell you? It's the least I can do. Steel isn't strong, boy, flesh is stronger! Look around you. There, on the rocks; a beautiful girl. Come to me, my child...

[coaxes the girl to jump to her death]

Thulsa Doom: That is strength, boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste. Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!
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[director's cut]

Conan: I remember days like this when my father took me to the forest and we ate wild blueberries. More than 20 years ago. I was just a boy of four or five. The leaves were so dark and green then. The grass smelled sweet with the spring wind.

[pause]

Conan: Almost 20 years of pitiless cumber! No rest, no sleep like other men. And yet the spring wind blows, Subotai. Have you ever felt such a wind?

Subotai: They blow where I live too. In the north of every man's heart.

Conan: It's never too late, Subotai.

Subotai: No. It would only lead me back here another day. In even worse company.

Conan: For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm.
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Conan: What gods do you pray to?

Subotai: I pray to the four winds... and you?

Conan: To Crom... but I seldom pray to him, he doesn't listen.

Subotai: [chuckles] What good is he then? Ah, it's just as I've always said.

Conan: He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. That's Crom, strong on his mountain!

Subotai: Ah, my god is greater.

Conan: [chuckles] Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain.

Subotai: My god is stronger. He is the everlasting sky! Your god lives underneath him.

[Conan shoots Subotai a skeptical look. Subotai laughs]
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The Wizard: Wealth can be wonderful, but you know, success can test one's mettle as surely as the strongest adversary.
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[first lines]

The Wizard: Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!
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Valeria: Do you want to live forever?
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Thulsa Doom: Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night.
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[last lines]

Title Card: So, did Conan return the wayward daughter of King Osric to her home. And having no further concern, he and his companions sought adventure in the West. Many wars and feuds did Conan fight. Honor and fear were heaped upon his name and, in time, he became a king by his own hand... And this story shall also be told.
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[last lines]

Thulsa Doom: My child, you have come to me my son. For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son.
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King Osric: What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance!... I salute you.
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Conan's Father: For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust.

[Points to sword]
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Subotai: He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.
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Subotai: Food... FOOD! I have not eaten for days.

Conan: And who says you will?

Subotai: Give me food, so I have strength when the wolves come. Let me die, not in hunger, but in combat!

Conan: Who are you?

Subotai: [jumps to his feet] I am Subotai! Thief and archer! I am Hyrkanian... the great order of Kerlait!

Conan: So what are you doing here?

Subotai: [holds up chains] Dinner for wolves.

[Conan laughs, Subotai laughs]
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The Wizard: He did not care any more... life and death... the same. Only that the crowd would be there to greet him with howls of lust and fury. He began to realize his sense of worth... he mattered. In time, his victories could not easily be counted... he was taken to the east, a great prize, where the war masters would teach him the deepest secrets. Language and writing were also made available, the poetry of Khitai, the philosophy of Sung; and he also came to know the pleasures of women, when he was bred to the finest stock. But, always, there remained the discipline of steel.
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Subotai: The old man says the Mountain of Power is hollow. Thulsa Doom is in the mountain.

Valeria: What else does he say?

Subotai: That in the back of the mountain there's a gorge. Many caves. A good thief could get in there, steal the princess, and be off before she's missed in the darkness.

Valeria: Good thieves could do that, but not vengeful ones.

[looks at Conan]

Subotai: [turning to Conan, who's been sharpening his sword the entire time] Only the girl. We kill Thulsa Doom another day. Agreed?

Subotai: [Conan just keeps sharpening] Conan!

[Conan stops, glances at him then Valeria, then continues without a word]
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Priestess: What do you see?

Conan: Um... infinity.
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Conan: You're not a guard!

Valeria: Neither are you!

Subotai: We're thieves! Ha! Like yourself. Come to climb the tower.

Valeria: You don't even have a rope! Ha! Two fools who laugh at death. Do you know what horrors lie beyond that wall?

Conan: No

Valeria: Then you go first.
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[first lines]

Title Card: That which does not kill us makes us stronger - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Thulsa Doom: Infidel Defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood.
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[Thulsa Doom's final speech to his followers in the director's cut]

Thulsa Doom: Purging is at last at hand. Day of Doom is here. All that is evil, all their allies; your parents, your leaders, those who would call themselves your judges; those who have lied and corrupted the Earth, they shall all be cleansed.
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Valeria: All the gods, they cannot sever us. If I were dead and you were still fighting for life, I'd come back from the darkness. Back from the pit of hell to fight at your side.
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The Wizard: It has been surmised, that perhaps, my lord had become like a wild animal that had been kept too long. Perhaps, but whatever... freedom... so long an unremembered dream, was his.
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Valeria: Let's take what we have while we live. I have never had so much as now. All my life I've been alone. Many times I've faced my death with no one to know. I would look into the huts and the tents of others in the coldest dark and I would see figures holding each other in the night. And I always passed by. You and I, we have warmth. That's so hard to find in this world. Please. Let someone else pass by in the night. Let us take the world by the throat and make it give us what we desire.
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Valeria: All my life I've been alone. Many times I've faced death with no one to know. I would look into the huts and the tents of others in the coldest dark and I would see figures holding each other in the night. But I always passed by.
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Subotai: Hey, old man, where did you get this stuff?

The Wizard: The dead... the gods are pleased with you, they will watch the battle.

Conan: Are they going to help?

The Wizard: No.

Conan: Well, then tell them to stay out of the way.
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Children of Doom: [chanting] Doom!

Thulsa Doom: You, my children, are the water that will wash away all that has gone before. In your hand, you hold my light, the gleam in the eye of Set. This flame will burn away the darkness, burn you the way to paradise!
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Beggar: A pittance to protect you from evil.

Subotai: I am evil!

Conan: They're all sluts! He's dead already!
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The Wizard: Ooooh... Once great men lived here... giants... gods... once, but long ago. It is here that I met my master. It was no accident, nor it is mere chance that I am the teller of his tale.
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Thulsa Doom: You broke into my house, stole my property, murdered by servants and my pets, and THAT is what grieves me the most! You killed my snake...
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King Osric: The lions ate him!
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Valeria: [dying in Conan's arms] Kiss me. Let me breathe my last breath into your mouth.

[kisses Conan]

Valeria: I'm so cold! So... cold. Keep me... warm... keep... me... warm...

[dies]
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Subotai: How about two snakes coming together over a black sun? A magnificent standard!

Black Lotus Street Peddler: The only snakes I know of are those of Set and his cursed towers. Their evil has spread to every city. Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult, now... they're everywhere. It is said that they are deceivers... they murder people in the night... I know nothing.

[peddler opens a jar and offers it to Conan and Subotai]

Black Lotus Street Peddler: Hey... black lotus... Stygian... the best!

Subotai: This had better not be Haga!

Black Lotus Street Peddler: I would sell Haga to a slayer such as you?
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The Wizard: The mounds have been here since the time of the Titans. Kings buried in them... great kings... domains once glittered like the light on a windy sea. Fire won't burn there... no fire at all. That's why I live down here in the wind.

Conan: Do you care for these places?

The Wizard: I sing to them. On nights, when they wish, I sing of the tales of battles, heroes, witches and women. Nobody bothers me down here. Not even... Thulsa Doom.

Conan: Do flowers grow around here?

The Wizard: Flowers?

[laughs]

The Wizard: Flowers.
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Rexor: [upon seeing Conan still alive] You...
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Black Lotus Street Peddler: Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult.
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Conan: Adieu!
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The Wizard: The ashes were trampled into the Earth, and the blood became as snow. Who knows what they came for... weapons of steel, or murder? It was never known, for their leader rode to the south, while the children went north with the Vanir. No one would ever know that my lord's people had lived at all. His was a tale of sorrow.
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The Wizard: The Children of Doom... Doom's Children. They told my lord the way to the Mountain of Power. They told him to throw down his sword and return to the Earth... Ha! Time enough for the Earth in the grave.
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Rexor: [after Conan and his friends escape the tower of Set] Kill Them!
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Conan: Is this your robe?

Priest: Yes. It is all that I own.

Conan: [knocks priest unconscious] And it's all you'll ever need.
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Valeria: To the hell fires with Thulsa Doom. He's evil; a sorcerer who can summon demons. His followers' only purpose is to die in his service. Thousands of them.
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Thulsa Doom: I wish to speak to you now. Where is the Eye of the Serpent? Rexor said that you gave it to a girl; probably for a mere night's pleasure. Such a loss. People have no grasp of what they do.
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The Wizard: I'm a wizard, mind you. This place is kept by powerful gods and spirits of kings. Harm my flesh and you will have to deal with the dead!
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Subotai: I have not eaten for days.

Conan: And who says you will?

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Iolo's Stand - V3

#16 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Jun 2018, 11:40

Haha
I see you are a barbarian fan Bernie.

Yes, a woman will enhance the plot,
I have one in mind, Nonita, Non for short,
a druidess. Maybe in the tenor of Shogun
that novel by James Clavell.

A young woman, gifted and beautiful,
unobtainable, yet the old archer loves her,
she in turn loves him for what he represents
to her people. She doesn't rule, but has the ear
of her prince. The land is under attack, her people
in dire straits.

But now it is turning into a novel.

What to do.

Bob
Many thanks, glad you like.
I wasn't sure if the group would take to a
historical poem, pleased all three, who constantly
provide support and marvellous critiques, approve.

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