Beard of Bees

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Beard of Bees

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 24 Jun 2018, 10:20

Beard of Bees


Face veiled,
my new stepdad lifted
the queen bee up,
scooping her and her ladies

into a wire cage
which he hung on me.

Ominously the "beard" grew,
confused, disoriented bees
massing beneath my chin
in a huge hum.

He gave me a thumb's up
as he fumbled
with a tiny camera,
bees kissing my lips.

Shaking uncontrollably,
throwing off bees
like a dog flinging off beads of water--
I flung the cage
and ran

for the house, a long scarf of bees
trailing. The screen door
slammed.

I locked it
with my trembling hand.
Later I pressed my jittery fingers
against the screen mesh--

my new dad placing his palm
tenderly on the other side--
bees clinging to his sleeves.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Beard of Bees

#2 Post by FranktheFrank » 24 Jun 2018, 11:43

Nightmare scenario Bob
Hope you got over your fear.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Beard of Bees

#3 Post by Bernie01 » 24 Jun 2018, 21:29

Bob---

remarkable story. burns at both ends with both original conceptualization and detail.

the movement flows and the poem never forgets that it is unfolding a story.

a story that ends with a remarkably tender final image, that stepfather touching the screen door like a doctor sifting the symptoms of a new patient.

wonderful poem.


berrnie

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Beard of Bees

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 Jun 2018, 06:18

Bernie, glad you and Frank enjoyed it...wasn’t sure people would

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Beard of Bees

#5 Post by Michael (MV) » 25 Jun 2018, 07:52

 
Hi Bob

much in accord w/ bernie

workshop-wise, this father-young son bonding narrative is in fit shape;
yet editing can be an on-going process - here are some workshop shares:

1/ "the humming beard" as title

2/ "Face veiled" - how about "shielded" for "veiled"

3/ "Ominously" - needed?

4/ "I flung the cage" - "off" not needed

5/ "patiently" for "tenderly"


Would hope to see the Poe poem this complete


8)

Michael (MV)
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Beard of Bees

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 26 Jun 2018, 23:46

Thanks, Michael....I have a new version of 'Edgar Allan Poe' posted....stripped to its core. Let me know what you think....Bob

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Beard of Bees

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 27 Jun 2018, 21:18

My father kept bees. Why this poem works is the understated emotions and the obvious complexity of the relationship. I too endured these type of "character tests" from an Ill informed adult. Well done from me

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Beard of Bees

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 28 Jun 2018, 07:46

Thanks, Kenneth....I empathize

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Beard of Bees

#9 Post by FranktheFrank » 06 Jul 2018, 13:22

Best wishes with this detailed account (poem) of fear and bees
so well told Bob.

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