Third Act

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Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Third Act

#1 Post by Bernie01 » 04 Jul 2018, 07:24

Revision #2

The winter stage empties
except for a baritone.

I fire the grill.
David Szirtes and Paul Mellon
arrive to watch
the Kansas - Iowa State game.

We sit before
the TV in school colors
like Navajo women tending
a cook fire.
We smoke. Talk politics.

Later, I write down a poem
thinking I might read it
to her in the tub's white spell.

The translucent water
like falling asleep in snow.








Revision #1

The winter stage empty except
for an opera baritone
and the two of us.


I start the electric grill. David Szirtes
and Paul Mellon arrive to watch
the Kansas - Iowa State game.

We sit before the TV in school colors
like Navajo women tending a cook fire.
The stealthy night passes.

I wrote down a poem
thinking we might read it together
in the white spell of the tub.

The translucent water
a basking surface
like falling asleep in snow.





Original

The winter stage empty except
for an opera baritone.

The waves empty out of swimmers.
Birds lift off leaning south.

I start the electric grill. David Szirtes
and Paul Mellon arrive to watch
the Kansas - Iowa State game.

We sit before the TV in school colors
like Navajo women tending a cook fire.

Restless all night, I wrote down a poem
thinking we might read it together
in the white spell of the tub.

Your lean ballerina foot clean
as winter Bolshoi, the water’s fevrille
glass surface like falling asleep in snow.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1319
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Third Act

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 04 Jul 2018, 10:27

This is close....I like these lines esp.:
We sit before the TV in school colors
like Navajo women tending a cook fire.

Restless all night, I wrote down a poem
thinking we might read it together
in the white spell of the tub.

I don't warm though to "foot clean".....but falling asleep in snow, ah......that's nice

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1506
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Third Act

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 06 Jul 2018, 13:19

Switch on the grill?
Turn on the gas?

meenas17
Posts: 656
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Third Act

#4 Post by meenas17 » 06 Jul 2018, 20:08

Enjoyed.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1319
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Third Act

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Jul 2018, 00:35

I like this close better...

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1506
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Third Act

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 07 Jul 2018, 11:37

'Fire the grill' is so much better.

Effervescent water
seduces our souls
like falling asleep in snow.

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